UG overseas trip is fun!!! CRP Resort rawkzz...

2011-07-10T21:43:00.002+08:00

......
haizzz...
day by day, i'm slowly, losing hope..
i can foresee my future..
down the drain..

i don't know why..
i just.. arghhh...
**** me..
i think i ****ing suck!
this sucks like hell!!!

i know people look down on me.
they see me, and they think that i cannot make it.
well, guess what?
you people are right.
yes, YOU PEOPLE are right.
what was i thinking?
that i could prove you all wrong.
i keep failing time and again.
i'm sick and tired of failing.
just sick and ****ing tired.

yes, the only person who encourages me and
truly believes me is my father.
my mother. i didn't expect her to believe in me
because i know her. she has high expectations.
if you do well, she shuts up.
if you don't, she will shoot you down like a bullet.
she blames you for everything when things go wrong.
yeah, whatever. sometimes i feel like shouting at her.
but i didn't...
sometimes i feel like killing myself, you know.
just to shut her up.
like "there, you happy? you don't need to shout or waste
your breath on me anymore..**** that,"

ahh..**** me! this sucks. i have lost much time.
lots of time! i doubt that i will manage to finish this race.
i can't unless i have new source of inspiration.
come on, please! please! please! please! ****king please!
****!

why so sad?

2011-05-31T17:47:00.001+08:00

Argh. I feel so sad. So i just wanna let it all go here. Coz i know my family doesn't know about this blog. So it's good for me. So firstly, my GP paper. OMG! i didn't know what to say. Part of me want to say," good job,u've done ur best". Another part of me want to say,"oh girl,u just screwed urself up.u're screwed."Argh. I felt so demoralised. So tired. I could feel my brain all dried up after that exam. So i told myself,"come on, suck it up! 5 more months!!!" And so i did.Then,the alpha male was upset with the...young male.. Becoz he always leave early and come back home very late. As in 1 to 3 am. The alpha male scolded the alpha female for this. And i don't see the link between her and the young male. Tensions are high at home. No laughter. Just silence. As if we are invincible to one another.When i think about it, i blame the young male's gf. My bro always return home at an appropriate time. But after getting tgt with her, i feel that he is under some spell. Always going out with her. I have heard of her situation before. And i don't sympathise her. I feel she deserved. I don't know why. I just feel so. She might appear nice but it's really too early to tell if she is really nice. Although they hope that they will be tgt for a long time,i hope otherwise. I don't know why either. I just don't feel comfortable with her.And now, i have this stupid problem. My remedial class clash with my family vacation! Which sucks big time. Class is impt so as to prepare us for the upcoming exam after holidays. But then, it was quite hard to find 2 days for the family to be tgt and travel somewhere. ARGGHHH!!!!! HELP ME!

hallucinations

2011-05-12T19:07:00.000+08:00

Heyhey. I just have to share this with u! I had less than 3 hours of sleep today. And i think i was hallucinating today! During sch! Or maybe i was just too damn tired. Thanks to gp. Anyway, we were walking to canteen when i spotted a girl carrying a watermelon. But seriously, i really thought that it was a watermelon. But when i asked my friends, they say they did not see it. Awww. My mind is playing tricks on me :( damnnnn.. I need to rest.

my rants

2011-05-11T01:02:00.001+08:00

Hey hey! Dear diary, today i slept for about 4 hours. Feels damn nice. Arghh.. Then reality hit me. I have some or a lot of homework to do! Shiitt!! Huhu~ tmr will be another tiring day. And each day i keep having to live with it. Looking forward to the end of the day where i can rest and sleep well. And i realise that i am kind of a private person. I only share with people i trust. And that is only some sharing moments. Else, i just have to bottle things up or dump it here or just live with it. Yeah. Life has its ups and downs. I wish i can be like peter pan. Forever young. Never have to worry about problems. Never have to worry about people backstabbing u or the way ppl look at u. U just have fun and don't care about what people say. U just have to be urself and not change because of people or circumstances. I don't really know how to express myself throught words, or even actions. I don't even know if what i've been blogging are my expressions. Hopefully it is. Did i ever tell u that i was always bullied at school? Well, not to the extent of beating up or extorting money. It's just "friendly" bully i guess. Everytime, my newfound "friends" and long time friend would either make fun of me, or vandalise my notes just because they do not want to dirty their own. Like wth! I have feelings too. And i don't like my notes being vandalised! And yet, when it is my turn, my "friends" would feel hurt and they show their emotions to me. And then start being bitchy. Guess what? I don't like that! I have feelings too! I just don't show my anger or emotions to u becoz i consider u as my friends. Or that's what i thought u all are. For eg, i just made fun of ur name. And u were upset with me. Wtf! U made fun of my name and i just laugh it off! I didn't take it seriously. And u? U had to show that u r upset. Like the whole world owes u an apology. And i had to make that apology. Tell u the truth. I wasn't sincere in my apology. I was feeling pissed instead. And i didn't show that in front of u, did i?!!Now i believe that this saying by my long time friend. It's every man for himself. And i say game on. I'm gonna catch up with u. And knock over ur game.Another eg. My so-called close friend confronted me for reading a passage too loud. Wtf! If u think it's too loud then take a few seats from me and stay there! I don't even wanna sit beside u! Damn it. Fucking shit. And u were unhappy about it. Don't u realise it was noisy in class when we were reading that passage? The noise isn't only from me. Noob shit. And u were all like,".. oh, then i think we need to resolve this.." fuck. U are the problem. Not me. Fucking pissed me off.I really felt like crying at that time. Really was misunderstood. And it's my close friend! I don't know if she deserves to be called my close friend. :(Ahh.. Dumping my emotions here feels good. I feel much better now. Phew. This blog is like my emotional space. Haha. Thanks to this blog, i can pour out my feelings,thoughts and my viewpoints. Ooh! These can be considered expressions right? Ok, good! I can express myself here! YAY!~ alright, gtg. I will come to u if i have any problems,ok bloggie/diary? :) hehe. Byebye!

quick update...

2011-05-08T01:42:00.001+08:00

Hey all. Or at least someone who takes an effort to read this. I don't care. Just a quick update on my life. My results for my recent exam sucks. Got U for university! Ahaha...haizz. Lame. What am i trying to prove here? To break some record of getting straight Us? Come on lah. I feel neglected. At home,at sch,everywhere. At home, i'm always alone. My parents don't even know what i'm doing at home. I may be playing games all day long. And when my mum is coming home, then i will quickly do my work. I've changed. A lot. From bad to worse. From a hardworking girl to a slacker. And i'm sitting for my very major exam this year in a few months. Like wts. Am i prepared? Fuck. This sucks. There i said the words. I have no one to blame except me. Me. I have lost everything. I'm like an ant trying to find my way out of a jungle,keep going in circles. And blehh.. I wish i can cry but it doesn't resolve anything. -_- I need to find the right track before i get lost even deeper in the jungle. Help me. Please. I need ur help. I need ur guidance. I need ur strength. I need ur love. I need ur care and concern. I need u to believe in me. I need u to be by my side. I need u to motivate me. I need u to encourage me. I need u.

I've got this feeling...

2011-02-08T02:18:00.001+08:00

Hey.. So sorry did not update for so long. Anyways, just curious to ask this. Have u ever felt that you are always looked down upon everywhere u go? I mean, they didn't directly tell u that but, have u ever felt that u know they look down on u?Haiz.. That's kind of what i m feeling right now... Which sucks big time. Let me see, when i try to remember about my sec sch, the people who come to mind,who look down on me, are the teachers. Most of them. My phy, eng, history(she is a full-time bitch. I had to say it.) teacher. Even people around me. Friends, family, friends..And i always try to find some motivations for me to continue living. Argh.. I'm almost reaching the depressed mode. Sometimes, i feel like crying and screaming my lungs out. But there are ni tears. No sound would come out of my mouth. The only time that i cried the first time this year was when i got home from sch. It was after my chem test. Which i know i screwed up. So i felt horrible and could not focus on my lesson. Even my bitch teacher noticed. Cos when the class was laughing. I was not. Perhaps my mind was somewhere else.

Ohh.. it's a dream? phew!

2011-01-03T13:38:00.001+08:00

Ok, i just woke up from a bad dream. Or is it nightmare? Nevermind. Anyway, i'll tell you what that dream is and i think that it is freaking weird cos i don't know where this dream came from and when i woke up, my head hurts.So here goes.. I don't know how but i was at this house, doesn't look like mine. We were having party with a few people. But when they want to leave, i don't allow them. Somehow i had a gun. A .45 i think. So i threaten them to shut up or i'll kill them. Then the police came but i locked the door. They were unable to negotiate with me. So they just wait. Not sure for what. It felt like a few days later. And i had already shot a few people dead as they would not listen to me. And the police.. I am not sure if they were still waiting or what. Some of the people in the house were hungry and i handed them some food. They went to one of the rooms, while i watch them. Then somehow, i was already outside buying stuff. I guess i was too long being outside. When i look up at the house, there was like red and blue light. So i quickly went back. With the gun hidden in my back. It felt ticklish cos it touches your ass. Haha. Ok, when i reach there, i pretended to be one of the families of the victims. I saw police officers taking down statement and the people/ hostages were hugging their loved ones. And there i was. I stood in the middle of the living room and pulled my gun and pointed it at my head. Then i shouted. Everyone looked at me. Then the police took out their gun and tried to negotiate with me. I am not sure what happens next. But then i was lying down on a bed staring at a receipt. Then my mum came from her work and handed me another receipt.Then i woke up. My head was like spinning, it hurts. I looked around and i was like, wow, what a dream. Freaky dream.So yeah, that's my dream. And now i am hungry. Time for me to eat lunch! :)

Oh shit.. i haven't finish..

2011-01-01T19:54:00.001+08:00

Ola!!! I am back from the overseas trip with my family. It was quite awesome! We left home quite early. Then had our breakfast at the first stop after passing the immigration checkpoints. My brother witnessed a robbery while having breakfast. You see, after the incident where my father's company car got robbed, we took extra precautions and my father parked our car in full view while we were eating breakfast. Then the robbers tried to rob the car next to ours. But they failed cos one of them could not open the door. After breakfast, we went shopping. I had fun as i bought a lot of stuff like sunglass, sweaters, clothes, etc. I even exceeded my budget. But luckily, my mum is kind enough to give me a treat and well, i just buy what i like and she pays them! Hehe! I'll pay her someday. After that, it was a long drive to our hotel, about 2 to 3 hours. I didn't sleep as i wanted to accompany my father. My mum and brother slept. I saw goats, cows, and i am glad to say that i love living in my country. When we finally reached the hotel, it was already evening. I was quite tired. We rested in the hotel room for about an hour. Then we went shopping. And again, i bought the most! Haha. Felt quite guilty coz i was the only one doing shopping. Then we went for dinner. I can't believe we ate a full stingray. Normally, my brother and i would only eat half a stingray. But then the stingray was so nice that i only ate almost half. My brother finished the rest. Then we went back to the hotel. And i was really really tired. I just lied down on the bed and close my eyes. So the next day was quite fast, cos i was asleep for most of the time. We just went to this area and my parents bought some furniture stuff. Then we had lunch before heading back home.When i reach home, i was quite sleepy. Decided to take a nap. When i woke up, it was already 3am! I didn't get to say goodbye to 2010 and it's already 2011! Nooooo! Haiz. But still, i have not finish my homework yet. Damn. Ok, i've got to go. Here's a quote that is one of my favourites" When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you."Friedrich Nietzsche

Ooh..it's night time!

2010-12-29T21:01:00.001+08:00

Hey!!! I am now currently outside, just finish eating dinner with my friends. And now we are just walking around aimlessly. Haiz.. I feel sleepy too. Yawn~And now, i am sitting down at Mac. Eating ice cream! Yum~! and now i am very sleepy!Here's a quote:

In the afternoon.. huh? it's night already?!

2010-12-29T15:46:00.001+08:00

Hello!!! Wow, ok. This is the first time that i am posting more that once! Awesome! Haha. Ok, so now i am currently doing my homework, with which i was stopped by my father to check some stuff of his. I was using the internet. Now, taking a break. That is playing psp!!! Hehe! Oh, i woke up kind of late today too. Yeah. I'll post again later if i have the time. Or anything that i want to share. Oh, here's a quote"Try again, fail again. Fail better."Samuel Beckett"Try not. Do or do not."Yoda

The end of the year is near.. OMG!!!

2010-12-29T06:31:00.001+08:00

Heys! You must be wondering how i am posting now.. Well, with advanced tech, i can now blog whenever and wherever i want! Isn't that cool? I can get to post what's on my mind now.. I know there's twitter and facebook. But there are just too many.. I would rather stick to blogging. It's still the same isn't it? You can still post your stuff. Except that i hope no one knows about my blog. Hopefully it stays that way :) i prefer it that way.. Oh, today/tonight is gonna be a rush. I have dinner with friends and i really need to finish,like 80% of my homework.. But now.. It looks like i just finish 40% only :( haiz.. Oh, tmr, me and my family will go on an 'adventure' which starts early in the morning like 6am. Which btw, i don't really like cos i hate waking up early!!Anyway, i can't believe that new year is coming.. I mean it feels like yesterday that i entered my new school. And tmr will be a brand new year, full of challenges that will decide my future..Ah, must chiong ah! Jia you! I knoe i can do it! Prove to others that i can do it. Prove to them that when they don't think i can make it,i did!! Yeah!Oh, here's a quote"All is a riddle, and the key to a riddle...is another riddle"Ralph Waldo Emerson

Treasure...

2010-12-28T15:40:00.002+08:00

hey!
ok,so i've got some time here now.i just finished watching my favourite show.i love them..
also, they somehow teach me a thing or two about life and sometimes i do feel motivated..
ah..

when i was younger, i was constantly surrounded by my loved ones..
i mean i always have my loved ones by my side..
but ever since, you know, things change and you are left all alone..
home alone..
i felt even better..well, eventually, i do feel lonely and i would always look
at the door to see if it opens and i will see my loved ones.
but then, as time passes, i wish that i would just be alone and never to look at that door.
however, a few months ago, a few deaths related to me made me realise that i have to treasure my loved ones. and that there's this incident where my mom tried to end her life..
i really want to treasure them as much as i can. every moment of it.i really do.

ok, enough of these stuff..
as for my homework progress,
hmm..
maybe i need a little bit more time..
im doing ok now..
hopefully things go smoothly..

ok, got to go..
oh, here's a quote
"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary.
Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."
Joseph Conrad

Maybe one in a while, i'll end with quotes... :)

Burden finally removed..wait,what?there's more??!

2010-12-08T17:27:00.003+08:00

SIGH...

just when i thought that the camp was over..
which is not..
they still want to conduct some post mortem of it..
wth..damn

why can't they just get over it?
and just move on..
arghh...
i still cannot finish my homework,
and it is now december!!!
argh!!!
not even halfway!!
argh!!!
need some motivation and inspiration!
geez..
am i ready for next year?
hmph...

On the verge of a breakdown

2010-10-17T17:10:00.002+08:00

ARGHHHHH!!!
after yesterday's training,meeting,briefing or whatever you call it,
i felt my head was going to freaking explode.
damn it.
yesterday,after seeing two of my batchmates demoralised
by their presentation. i too felt demoralised.
i too felt quite down and upset by the way things are going.
by evening, i was almost giving the tired face,which i'm not suppose to.
but i don't care as i was feeling tired sitting there for 6 hours with only 2 or 3 breaks in betweeen.and now, i'm only looking forward to the end of the camp.
seriously.
im feeling very stressed although they told us not to be stressed and just have fun.
and now that i think of it..
i wonder why the hell did i sign up for this.
i cant back out now.i'm not one who back out all of a sudden.
but im not sure if i can take this much.
i have no appetite at all. and my mind always seems to be elsewhere.
thinking about the preparations and the no. of saturdays i have to sacrifice.
actually i don't think i should have sign up for this at all.
okay.nevermind.this will be the last(hopefully..i pray very hard that it is) camp that i will ever go to.

ahh..moreover, i still have my very major impt exam and my project work exam..
so in this month, i'll be preparing for all 3(major exam,project work exam,camp)..
then in november,all the actions will begin non-stop..
it will keep coming at you until you have no more energy left in you.
sigh..i feel like crying as i feel very uneasy right now and my mind's all over the place.
shit.

Miserable & lonely

2010-10-13T19:54:00.004+08:00

Hello...

ok,i've received my results.

but i'm a little disappointed that i did not really get the grades that i wanted.

however,i'm relieved that i can be promoted to the second year!

there will be revision papers or something like that in Nov.

although it seems that you will be the only one to go back school and do papers while your friends are enjoying and staying at home, i would rather go back to school and do the papers as i don't think i would be so disciplined to be at home and study...

i will either be "hibernating" all day long, or watch tv, or go out with my friends.

which reminds me..i really miss my friends a lot..my sisters..arghh..i miss going out with them and talking about our lives and problems..and then chilling out and enjoy every moment we had together during the outing...

hopefully everyone will be free and then we cn haVE

P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E draining out....

2010-09-30T16:42:00.002+08:00

Hey there!!!
I've found some time to blog for a while...
ok,so presently i'm in the middle of exam period
but there are no papers for me till monday..
anyway, the papers so far has been really interesting..
it has its ups and downs...

and when i see my future activities in this coming october..
i'm really surprised..
i have no time for myself..
it's either school or i have external activities..
where i have to do a lot of stuff in order to get promoted..
and i don't even have a clue if i have met the criteria for the promotions yet..
cos i've been sacrificing my Saturdays for those events/activities
when i could have lie in my bed,resting...

oh,what shocks me the most is that my school term doesn't end
till 26 Dec and before you know it..
you will start school on 10 or 11 Jan next year..
pretty short break, don't you think?

anyway,i'm going to work really hard for my last paper..
which i don't really like but surprisingly did well for it for previous tests...
hmm...sometimes i don't feel motivated to study or do well..
i keep telling myself positive things
but it seems to me that those positivity is wearing out quickly..

im running out of ideas on how to keep myself positive...
anyone has any ideas?please?

P.S: greyhound, thanks for your comments, really appreciate it! :D

2010-09-07T09:56:00.002+08:00

HEeLLLLOOOO!!!!!
it's been a long time since i last update..
i've been pretty busy thia year since it's an important year for me..
also next year will be very important too!
well, every year is important...

i feel that i have always been looked down upon
and i know that i did not do well in my previous major exam...
i admit,that was my fault..
but im not going to let it happen again..
i'm going to work very hard and
prove to everyone who looked down on me,
that i can rise up to their level as well...

yes, it is very sad to see that someone close to you
or people who you are very close to look down on you..
they may not say it directly to you
you just have to read between the lines...

sometimes i feel angry at them...
but i don't really blame them..
it's not their fault actually,
i just have to change the way i carry myself...

on the bright side, i have been working hard
these few months to rise up to the challenge
and let people know that i should not be underestimated
and that i have my own ability
and yes, i did it..
but i still need to improve...
there's still a long way to go...
so i've got to buck up! :D

Movies!!!/Posting results

2010-01-27T13:56:00.002+08:00

hello.recently i have been crying a lot.it's not because of my problems.but,i have been watching movies on Youtube,Star Movie and HBO.unfortunately,most of the movies that i watched have sad endings.what the hell.i really enjoyed it.but there are a lot of tissues by my side after every movie.haha.some of the movies i watched: The Boy in Striped Pajamas, 10 promises to my dog, Glitter and a bit of Hamlet.i wanted to watch Hamlet but had to go out.i like the one played by kenneth branagh.the colour of his moustache and his hair colour is so different.it amuses me.plus,i tink he is quite handsome.haha.
so i give a bit of summary to each movie:
~The Boy in Striped Pajamas
the family moved into a new house because it is nearer to the father's workplace.the boy,bruno, is an explorer.he saw a building structure and thought that it is a farm.but his sister,who is blinded by Nazi history and pasted posters of Hitler in her room,told him that it was a camp.so bruno explored the woods behind the house without anyone knowing and he saw a boy in the camp.sitting alone,facing the barbed wire of the camp.he was a jewish and same age as bruno.blah.blah.blah.cut story short.bruno sneaked into the camp,in which he thought is a luxurious camp.but its is concentration camp.dressed in a pajamas to blend in.he wanted to help his friend find his father.so they were searching in this dorm full of men.when the men were told to line up and move.they moved into a chamber and were told to remove their clothes.in the meantime,bruno's family were frantically searching for him.bruno asked why they were taking a shower.his friend too doesn't know.but yoou know,right?it's not bathing time.it's a gas chamber!
so,yeah...
~10 promises to a dog.
damn!this movie is worth watching so many times.i cried at every part of it.a really must watch!!!if you have a dog,and if your dog can talk(esp. a golden retriever),it will say:
1.listen carefully to what i have to say
2.trust me,i am always by your side
3.play with me a lot
4.don't forget that i have feelings too
5.let's never fight
6.if i don't obey you, i have a good reason
7.you have school and frineds but i only have you
8.stay my best freind,we must get along
9.i'll only live about 10 years.make every moment count,every moment together
10.never forget our time together.when my time comes,please be by my side
~glitter
just watched today.quite good.sad ending because the boyfriend was killed.she loved her boyfriend.awww.he is quite handsome too.quite muscular.haha.

oh!anyway,i already got the results of my school posting.i received the sms at like 6.19am!!!so early!before that,i was really sleepy and wanted to go to sleep.then i checked my handphone and wow!!!i jump up and down non-stop!not sure why i was so excited.but i don't feel like sleeping anymore.so i played my psp and listened to music.so tmr start school already.a bit excited.haha. ok,got to go and watch more movies.ciaoz..

Dear Diary...

2010-01-20T17:47:00.002+08:00

dear diary,
i feel that whatever outing that i went for is so boring and wasting my time.but being at home is boring too. well,maybe i should treasure every minute of being at home until i start school..yeah,ok. anyway,i have decided to pick up a new hobby. learn to play guitar. gonna take my own time to learn it. anyway, it really helps me to chill whenver i play simple songs with my guitar.well,not my guitar.it's my father's.he is really good at guitar and singing. he also play guitar when he is free. well,i also don't know why everyone keep breaking my stuff. my personal stuff..argh!so i can only post until here. here's a quote: Greed is the core of human nature...

new post of 2010!

2010-01-12T18:03:00.004+08:00

heyhey!ok,so i know that this is very late but..happy new year!!!haha...well,to start off,gonna update about my family vacation..it was fun!the best one i have ever had!because there was ADVENTURE!!!woohoo!ok,back to 2010..had class chalet for 3 days from 5-7 Jan..but i decided to stay for the first 2 days..one word for this chalet: SUCKED!!! felt like an outcast..no bonding..the bbq sucked..they didn't leave some for me and i had to pay for it!damn!bloody chong jun jian broke my headband!go to hell,jun jian!you think it's fun to break someone's belonging?i bought that at langkawi,but thanks to you it's history!i don't see a bit of guilt in you when you told me that you broke it!i was freaking mad!trying to hold back my tears!that headband has a sentimental value to me,damn you!swear that i will never talk to you ever again!and koh hongwei!you think it's funny too?you even teased me with my broken headband?!damn you!AaaarrrgggHHH!!! ok, chill..then, there was OA camp..2D1N over the weekends..very slack!learnt a lot!the trainers were very patient and fun!i love eating the mud chicken!haha..next day, my results came..i am not too sure of whether to be happy or sad..but i am quite happy in the end..my father reminded me of something that i will always remember in my heart..so my new year resolution is to work very hard and do my best in whatever i do..

FIGHT THE PAIN

2009-12-15T16:45:00.004+08:00

hey guys!!! so last week had a camp..before that i was sick,but managed to recover..then after the camp,i was sick,AGAIN..damn...aniwae,ever since the camp..i am very quick at getting tired.dun know why.this coming friday,going to m'sia for a family vacation!!!WEEEEE!i'm not really sure if i should be excited.i like adventure but this vacation.it's just some shopping and going to places.do you call that adventure?anyway,suddenly too, there are a lot of activities going on.and tmr going back school to help out.friday too,there's going to be a lot of screams as me and my friends unleash our childish side and lose the oh-so boring teenager look!!!hahahaha.then maybe on xmas, go out and do stuffs and go chalet.then after that, maybe go work with friends.is there a work where you work while playing?that would be awespme!!!then u find that it is the end of year.and you may never get to seee your friends again.get to schools of your choice.blah.blah.blah.oh well, on the brighter side,i get to live life to the fullest,i guess..
i had been dreaming and this motto kept coming up ever since the camp. not sure if someone said it or i saw it somewhere.
FIGHT THE PAIN...
sounds familiar?

2009-11-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

helo!!hmm..
i have not been posting
for a few long months..
but finally i can..
my major exams are ending!!

muahaha!!
new post,new beginning...
the past is NOT equal to the future...
i've learnt to move on with life
and stop whining...
i mean eveyone has their ups n downs..

let's talk a bit abt my exam..
1st wk was eng, emath n amath..
uh...ok lah... can manage...
2nd wk..oh my!!
felt like my brain
was gonna explode!
a lot of memorizing..
that is so not me...
haha..
3rd wk,this wk..
only mcq..
shud b chicken feet,rite?
yeah..

aniwae..
2nd wk was not my week..
i went into d exam hall..
not realising that i
4got to put my hp into my bag...
big mistake...
when d 'chief invigilator'(C.I) was
talking abt d rules..blah blah..
i touched my pocket
n shit!
my hp is in my pocket..
so i honestly raised my hand..
thinking i can get back my fone later...
aft d exams...
d CI told that us he collected 4 hps...
n he will confiscate them..
aft being dismissed..
i reluctantly went to him to get my hp..
but cnt..only managed to get my sim card..
WTF..pardon me for using that language..
u c, i m close to my stuff
n it is hard for me to b separated
frm them esp when i noe where they r...
dat bloody CI told me that he
wud have given me a straight 0..
i was acting pathetic(i guess)..
but well,didn't work..
he said he'll return my hp by this wk(2nd wk)

nxt dae..
aft d paper,he called d 4 of us
who got our hp confiscated to
c him n give him reasons why he muz return our hp to us..

at first,it was syamir...
he said sumtink lyk
"wan 2 call my parents n ask them wat 2 buy"
CI did not accept..he gave a SUPER lame reason
to counter syamir's reason
then another guy said
"listen to music"...
cant rmb wat CI said..

then it was my turn..
"i nid 2 msg my mum when i reach sch"
n he said "u can use public phone,rite?"
n i was lyk wat?!!!
then back to syamir..
he said sumtink..
cant rmb..
n d other guy..very stupid..
he said "my phone bat is gng to b flat"
n CI "then wat for u bring ur hp to sch?"
then it was my turn again..
i cudn't tink of anytink cuz
d 1st reason was d truth...
so i said "i nid to tell my mum wat im doing in sch"
wat d CI said next really pissed me off...
he said"then u can open
a twitter or facebook account..let
every1 noe wat u r doing.."
i was really angry..
so i said in a "polite" manner
"my mum dun use internet"
he looked at me..
im not sure if i was wearing
a pathetic face or an attitude face
coz he kept looking at me...
he lectured dat we r d only sch out of
*** schools dat allow hp...
he oso said"if i were d principal i wud
take all this(hp) n burn it..
inside my hart.."i dare u"
then he blah..blah..
then he ask "understand?"
i didnt answer..only syamir did..
he said yes
then d CI said "yes who?i cnt hear u"
all 3 of us said "yes,sir.."
i was lyk..u tink dis is a military sch?or ns?
calling u sir..
u dun deserve my respect S.O.B!
Fish off!!!

haha..dat's d end of story..
i really hate him...

2009-05-14T12:56:00.002+08:00

Yoha!!!2dae no sch!!!
yay!!exam finish oredi!!!
yay!!

aniwae..exams are over..
n i tink i've done my best in all
subjects..
so if the results r not
dat gud..then im gonna mug
all the way!!!!

haha..yesterdae was fun!!
after exam,we head to
seawall!!
played poker n cheat..
im so not gud at cheating!!!
mardi always catch me!!
she's gud at cheating!!
haha

go mac to buy lunch
then go seawall to eat..
mardi gave a bird a french fries..
then d rest of d bird company came..
she was scared..haha..
very funny...

then sat at seawall..
look at d sea..
talk abt boats,ferry n all those
related to transports at sea..
meanwhile..got free suntan..haha..

realised dat there r a lot of
sec sch dat frequent seawall..
then aft dat took bus
went to my bro's void deck..
to play soccer...
very surprise coz almost
half of the class was there
when we arrived!!!
steph n group..
pei le n group..
fauzan,shfiq,wei jie...
a little boy who is sensitive
(coz he cried when he was hit by d ball!)
wei ting,bei ling,junjie,boyi,jolene,jin sze...
my bro's group too...

took turns to play..
then it was finally girls turn with some boys...
i was so happy..
long time neva play soccer..
i scored to goals!!
how amazing..hehe..
then finished...

then rest n rest..
then play again..
i didn't score..
but i juz kick d ball..
hehe..
then go basetball court
to c d girls play basketball..
then i rode on some1's scooter..
long time neva scoot..
so fun!!!

then we went home..
reached home..
bathed..
very tired...

oh!!i 4got to tell a small secret..
i change fone liao...
it was unxpectd
coz i didn't really want to buy it..
but my parents tot i like it..
so they bought it for me..
how sweet!!!
so i juz use d new fone lor..
ok lah..
i stop here..
gtg..bye

Operation success

2009-04-09T23:04:00.002+08:00

yoha!
im alive!!!
2dae went for operation..
n im alive..

the story begins with:

a bump on my wrist..
probably coz writing
too much during sch
hols last yr..hehe

then went to grandpa for
a massage..
but no effect..twice..

the bump aches..
lyk gonna explode at times..

went to see doctor
gave medicines...
if doesn't disappear,
operation is the best
solution...

came back to doctor
after meds finish
doctor arrange to see
a specialist..

left sch early
for appointment..
went alexandra hospital by cab..
was told dat the appoinment
was at jurong medical centre..
behind jurong library..
wtf..wasted $21+ when
i cud have used my ezlink card..
damn it..

cabbed to jmc..
reached there at abt 3.30+
it was only a check-up..
docs name is dr cheng..
old guy..
old enuf to b my grandfather..
but gd knowledge..
arrange day surgey..
scheduled on 9 apr..
cost abt $860+
just for an operation
on my hand..

went home..
chill..

9 apr came..
left sch at 11..
then left home at 12.20
reached jmc at 12.30..

waited for a while..
then got ready got operation
was asked to change clothing..
felt funny..
very cold..
then waited for a while..
then went into operating theatre..
lied down..
d room was ice cold!!!

got my b.p checked
every 5-10 mins i tink..
then wait for dr. cheng to come..
other doctors/nurses
(i dun noe wat they r called)
were talking to me..
asking typical qns:
Are u nervous?

duh..i've never been in operating
room b4..or have i went for operation!
some more the room is soooo cold..
d nurse put a blanket over me..
still cold..
then she put..erm..
i dunno..like a warmer..i guess?

then finally d "VIP"came!
dr cheng injected d area near d bump..
it was painful!!
i hate pain!n injections!
dun noe how many times he inject
coz it was super numb..
d nurse kept asking me to
breathe in n out while he inject..
nice..she looked at me like her own child lidat..
haha

then they dabbed something cold
like cold water or distilled water
from my fingertips tp my elbow..
it was super cold!
but super nice too!

then it began..
they used a cloth to block my view..
i cud only feel tingling sensations
as my wrist area was numb..
then it was quite boring..
staring at the ceiling
while they cut up my bump area..
heard dr. cheng conversation wif nurse..
sumtink abt the bump
(aka ganglion)
like near artery like that..

i oso heard the medical tools clink clanking..
i play play--moved my fingers..
then dr.cheng ask if it was painful..
said no and asked if d bump has been removed..
he said a lil' bit more..

then heard him cutting sumtink..
then stitching..
he was like sewing lor..
he ask his helper to cut d previous sewing
coz not nice..?
then he use post-op..
then crepe bandaged my wrist..
which now look like im in muay thai..
haha

then waited for wat i dunno..
then changed back my clothes..
was given 8 days MC!!!
then met my parents..
paid the bills..
went jp..
eat mac..
had trouble eating w/o
being abe to bend my right hand..

then cabbed to sch..
my father told me that mr govin
called saying that i left sch w/o
permission..i was like huh?
i was walking in front of the guard..
d guard was like closing his eyes..

then let my parents settle d matter..
i went to take hmwk from mardi..
ppl keep asking me wat happen to my hand..
quite funny to c their reaction
when i said i underwent operation..

then stayed for trng..
actually wanted to stay for a while..
but stayed until trng finish...
mwahaha..

now tired arh..
my thumb still numb..
when i pang sai very hard
to clean my backside..
hehe..
aniwae,its late oredi..
gtg..bye!

2008-12-10T19:43:00.002+08:00

hey!!!
finally got time to blog..
orite..
now wan 2 tell abt
d sarawak trip..
it rocks!hell ya!

i miss everything there..
i like d bidayuh ppl coz
they seem friendly n although
they r christians,they do not eat pork..
cool..

i miss steven n mr singh!
steven has a cute laugh n
he was patient with us..
he's cool to me..
although he smokes,he can still
climb d mountain(i tink it is a mountain...?)
like wow..

lets talk abt this wonderful trip..

DAY 1
final check on luggage n hand-carried bag..
then ate lunch..bathed..
went out with mum..
met hl,mardi n sy at mac..
talk abt stuffs dat r ruining our lives..
haha..

then at 5pm..
walk to school...
there were oredi ppl at d front porch..
damn..
then briefing by mr singh..
collected an orange tee
n a GEOG ws on sarawak..

then board d bus at 6..
reached changi at arnd 6.45 like dat..
then checked in luggage..
talked to my parents..
then took photos..
then we went in..

waited at d terminal
for abt dunno how many minutes..
then finally got on the plane!!!
im so lucky coz i got d window seat!!
yeah!!!

got to c d plane fly!!!
n good bye s'pore!!!
woo hoo!!
as it was nite..i cud not c anitink..
it was pitch black..
so bored on d plane..

yi qin n hui qi were sitting beside me..
i played yq's crossword puzzle...
had a budget dinner..
which is a pkt of sandwich...
how in d world does dat satisfy my stomach??

then we reached sarawak at arnd 9 plus..
i was quite sleepy..
took my luggage n go thru immigration
then mr singh told us to go over to d man
(it was steven)
standing there..

we went there..
he greeted us so politely..
his right palm on his heart n he bowed..
i was like..wow..cool..

then we board d bus..
steven introduced himself..
then i cant rmb..
coz i was too sleepy..

then we reached d grand continental hotel..
checked in..
i share d room with hl n mardi..
our room was Room 302..
we chill..
mardi(as expected) was d 1st to sleep..

then hl slept..
i cud not sleep..
so i listen to music n stared at d ceiling..

DAY 2
i wooke up to charge my phone..
then went back to sleep..haha..
it was around 5.30am..
then i wake up at arnd 6..

bathed..
went down for breakfast..
now we r set for..
jungle trekking!!!

b4 dat..
we went to the beach n
admire d scenery..
didn't take photos coz i 4got
to charge my camera..
haha..

then we were introduced to some instructors
then head up to a hill b4 starting the trekking
havent even start im oredi tired a bit..
haha...

then trek..n trek..n trek..
my body full of sweat..
my shirt super wet..
its as if i had juz finish bathing..

lots of ups n downs..
admire the nature..
the river is super cold..
finaly..finally..we finished
trekking!!!
hooray...
cleaned up n then change clothes..
got on d bus n went for dinner..
dinner was seafood..
food is nice..

then reach hotel..bathed..
knocked out..

DAY 4
woke up..had breakfast..
packed stuff..
say bye bye to hotel..
got on bus..
went museum..
know the history of sarawak..
weather was hot..
then go to some souvenir shops..
not many choice..

then finally go airport..
managed to beg steven to accompany us
go airport..
hl,mardi,sy n me bought a small vase for him
with messages inside..

i'll miss u steven..
u're a nice guy..
u're cool!
hope to c u again..

2008-11-24T18:12:00.002+08:00

Eminem-puke

[Intro]
[Eminem puking]
There I go thinking of you again

[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke

[Verse 1]
I was gonna take a little time to write you a little poem
But off of the dome would probably be a little more
More suitable for this type of song woah
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I can think of
Sixteen bars this ain't enough to put ???
So fuck it I'ma start right here I'll just be briefer
Bout to rattle off some other reasons
I know I shouldnt go and get another tattoo of you on my arm
But what do I go and do? I go and get another one now I got two
Oooooh I'm sittin here with your name on my skin
I can't believe I went and did this stupid shit again
My next girlfriend now her name's gotta be Kim
If you only knew how much I hated you
For every mothafuckin thing you ever put us through
Then I wouldnt be standin here cryin over you booooooooo

[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke

[Verse 2]
I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little letter
But I thought a song would prolly be a little better instead of a letter
That you'd prolly just shred up ??? I stumbled on your picture
The other day and it made me stop and think of how much of a waste
It would be to put some ink to a stupid piece of paper
I'd rather have you see how much I fucking hate you in a freestyle
You're a fucking ??? and I hope you fucking die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fucking guts you fucking slut I hope you die (diiiiiie)
But please don't get me wrong I'm not bitter I'm mad
It's not that I still love you its not that I want you back
It's just that when I think of you it makes me wanna gag
But what else can I do I havent gotta clue
Now I guess I just move on I got no choice but to
But everytime I think of you now all I want to do is puuuuuke

[Chorus]
You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do everytime I think of you I puke

[Outro]
[Eminem puking]
Fucking bitch

-End-

i was really hartbroken..
i hav decided to let him go..
he really broke my hart..
it's time to move on...
get over it!

homework..
arnd 30 of them..
holy shit!!!
how am i gonna finish this
homwork shit..
had not even started.
damn it.

this holidae aint fun at all..
everyday im booked with school stuff..

im listening to music now..

fuck the beat,i go acapella
fuck papa doc, fuck a clock,
fuck a trailer,fuck everybody
fuck y'all if u doubt me

im a piece of trash,i say it proudly
fuck this battle,
i dun wanna win, im outtie
here, tell these ppl sumtink
they dun noe abt me..

my mum suspected me
of smoking when i
haven't even smoke yet..
now my mind is gonna
blow up bcoz of dat fucking
homework..geez..
when will all this be over..
i guess it has never..

no camps for me..
cant go prefect camp coz
gonna go on a family trip
to m'sia..

then d camp dat i had been
waiting for was cancelled..
damn..
arghhhh....
shit..
everything aint goin d
way it is suppose to be.
fuck it..

Pictures...

2008-11-03T14:24:00.009+08:00

nothing much to post..
headstart program sux..
found some pics i took
when i was bored long time ago..

me bored..

me rocking!

me quiet..

me blowing a kiss

me angry!!!

me want kill u..

me not happy..

me blur..

me smile!

me depressed..

me sleepy..

me trying to smile..

but can't!

me with bro at terminal 3

before he go to taiwan..

me play fire..

me 2nd hand smile..

bro play dumbdumb...

me like playing fire!

me n family at terminal 3

me n family still waiting..

Recently went 2 west coast park..

to release our anger,pressure n tears..

me,huiling,siti n mardi

me so bored..

uh-oh..me had done sumtink bad...

me innocent..

yo!yo!yo!me in the hood!!!

sitting at the seawall..

looking at d sea..

me stumbled out of picture..boohoo..

me in dat censored...

mardi,me,siti,huiling

me want play fire again!

me not happy with u..

me want burn u!

me look cool..

me "fashion-ing" up!

me with long fringe..

End.

2008-10-30T14:17:00.002+08:00

I WANT TO PUBLISH A NEW POST..
BUT NOW, I CANT!
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING!
I'M REALLY PISSED OFF!
ARGHHH!
YOU ARE SUCH A JERK, BOY!
I KNOW YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS..
BUT THE WAY YOU DID,
IS SO FUCKING WRONG!
I THINK THE PROBLEM RELIES ON YOU,
NOT "SOMEONE".
LOOK YOURSELF AT THE MIRROR AND ASK YOURSELF,
WHAT AM I?
WHAT DID YOU SAID THAT
REALLY HURTS HER FEELINGS!
AHHHH!!
I WANNA MEET YOU AND
SEE THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME.
I WILL ACT THAT NOTHING
HAS HAPPENED WHEN I MEET YOU! !!

I'm not sure whats been told.
I'm sure whats been said,
i dont even have a clue of
whats been shared.
The past haunts,
the future haunts
and the present haunts.
I know i'm not supposed
to pick a fight
but this is making me go crazy.
If i followed my heart,
i would be hurting your feelings.
But here i am, I'm sorry.
I apologize sincerely
from the bottom of my heart
for breaking your heart.
Im sorry and i really am sorry.
At one point you were okay
and will suddenly change
and start accusing once again.
Its all like back to square one.
No my intention wasnt to take
revenge to what your friend had done.
But i just wish you didnt have to say
what you have said at one point of time.
Its because of whatever you've said just
breaks every hope i have on you.
No i didnt say im putting hope on anyone else,
because i swear i have no more hopes to hold on to.
Because of whatever is happening now,
im losing all hope in relationships.
If you're leaving, leave.
If you're staying , stay.
You're not the only one hurting,
i swear you're not and
i swear im hurting too.
And im not just hurting because of you,
theres many other things im hurt about.
I don't wish to talk about
whats the cause of this.
No,i dont involve anybody to why
im treating you this way.
Its my choice that i chose this way.
And i just wish you could actually sit down
and just calm yourself down
and talk to me.
Because i can never talk to you
when you're just so angry.
Because all you would do is
shoot everything without even bothering
to ask if its all true.
ANd once again,Im sorry,
im sorry im hurting you deeply.
Im sorry i made you go through
this when you dont even deserve it.
Im sorry you had to cross my path.
But even so,
i want you to know that yes i like your presence.
I did like you being there.
I Like every single thing you did.
and thank you sincerely for all the things you've done.

2008-10-14T17:37:00.002+08:00

helooo...
feeling down rite now..
but i wan 2 share wif u
abt yesterdae's trip..

me n my gang plan to go west coast..
we met at jp..
then took bus..
then reach oredi..
ate lunch at macs..
then we play play..
had an obstacle game...

yeah!my team won..
some of us had bruises in d end..
haha..
then we rested...
then went to the..
erm..seaside..?or sumtink like dat lah
sat at d seawall..
enjoyed d breeze..
then jeremy n jason
were looking for stones
to throw..
jeremy found 1 n he went further
d seawall..
suddenly he slipped n fall..
he slide until d end leh...
i was like omg!!!!
stunned....
when he reach d end,his hand was
filled with blood...
but he threw d stone 1st b4 coming up..
he had a lot of cuts frm d hand 2 d toe..

tried 2 stop d bleeding at d thumb..
it was a deep cut..
plaster not useful coz d cut was big...
so juliet came up wif an idea..
rather sensitive i wud sae...
so i wun tell lah..its a secret btwn our gang...
haha

so jolene rushed 2 mac to get a
1st aid kit n water..
then me,juliet n jenny
treated him...
he was like..
"nevermind lah..not pain"
if it was me..i wud have cried..
then we played cards
then enjoy d breeze...
then went home..
time flies so quickly when
u're having fun...

ok..2dae...
receive eng..
hmm..quite ok lah..
then maths..
hmm...not really satisfied but i pass...

then ss n geog...
boohoohoo..
i failed both...
then hist..
as expected..tcher didn't come
then MT..
as expected..i always pass...
then phy...
as expected..i fail..
but im sooooo upset...
coz i made a lot of careless mistakes!!!!!
boo hoo!!!!
wan to cry oso no more tears...

i shall not give up!!!
i muz move on!
i'll work harder n improve on my phy...
i'll sacrifice my tv program time
even if i hav to!!!
yes i will!!!

2008-09-30T21:42:00.002+08:00

hey yo peeps!
sorry long time no update...

now exam period!
very stress..
but at d same time
got slack a bit lah..

aniwae i wanna wish all
Selamat Hari Raya...
dun forget d duit raye..
hehe

aniwae..
i still c him everydae..
feel kind of betrayed when
ur close fren alwaes tok 2 him,rite?
but wat d heck....
d more he's close to her..
d more futher away i felt from him

so i decided to move on..
he's nt d onli guy on earth,rite?
haiz...
sianzzz

2dae went home early at 11..
for all malays!!
shiok man!
but only 1 sch hol..
then back to studies n exams

ive been having weird dreams..
like losing d ones i loved..
killing ppl hu i dun even noe..
very weird rite?

aniwae..im going to sarawak!!!
yay!!!
so excited..
december going..
hl,mardi n sy oso going..

as u noe..
last yr ive suffered phsically
n mentally...
i really wish it wudn't happen to me
again this yr coz
it really sux..

u've got no one u can trust..
when u wan 2 tell d person u trusted most
abt ur feelings..ppl sae u attention seeker..
ok..fine...
then dis *toot* sch counsellor
came to find me n tok 2 me..
then she give some stupid lecture..
i wasn't really listening...
but wateva she said made me feel
like quitting prefect..
she made use of dat to stop me from doing stuffs...
wad d BLAH!!!

in d end..
bottling up my feelings is d best way for me..

wat shit am i toking?
haha..
now i happy happy...
ppl make me angry..make
their life miserable

2008-08-16T14:04:00.002+08:00

it's officially over between us..
i dun see d need to do this...
lets juz b frenz...

hey hey!!!!
physics common test is over
yesterdae...

FRIDAY
let's talk abt yesterdae..
came to sch arnd 7.45am
studied with frenz

then d test..
it was difficult..

played soccer with
shi yuan n siti
durimg recess

aft sch..
celebrated ms haiza's
burfdae..ate a small
slice of cake..
then went out wif mardi
to buy waffle for shi yuan..

mardi embarrassed me a lot..
criously...
then went back ..
got trng...
did pumping coz
didn't wear correct attire..
bcoz tot dat my class got cip..
but it was postponed...

then all d
typical trng stuff...
then got 2 noe dat
MR JUSTIN TAN
walked into our cca room..
to scold huiling bcoz of sumtink...
its a long story...
i dun give a damn abt it..
but im furious that he juz
went into d rm as if its his house!!

he made huiling cry...
so i walked with her n mardi..
then i saw justin talking 2
my cca friends..
luckily d juniors were having
PT...

walked to him..
n started to question him...
me:did u barge into d .......... room?
him:yes.
me:are u in ........(my cca)?
him:no..im a teacher..i have the priority to do so..
me:oh,really?are u sure?
him:yes
me:then could u at least show us some respect...
him:(speechless)
hl:yah..even our cca teachers knocked on d door..
him:(juz looked at me n hl)

i roughly rmb d conversation like this..
then i juz turned away from him
n talked 2 my frenz as if nothing happen..
then i asked hl 2 go to d tiolet wif me..
kristie tagged along..

then when we return...
justin was talking to mardi...
i sat down wif d rest of my frenz..
then mardi came..
mardi was laughing...

she said justin asked her
wats rong wif me..
then blahblah blah...
i guess he didn't expect me
to b like dat..

then hl said that justin
wanted 2 c me..
then i walked towards him

me:yes u want 2 c me?
him:ya..i wan to apologise..
me:ya..ok..i mean d cca room is like
a house...u can't juz go into d cca room..
him:ya..so i apologize...
me:ok..
then i juz walked off..

i was having stomach ache..
but tried not 2 show it..
then waited for shi yuan to finish having pt..

then after cca...
played some soccer with brother
b4 going home with siti...

2008-08-05T22:57:00.002+08:00

wah...neva update fpr so long..
too lazy n busy lah..
ok,so now i will give a short post..
coz im rushing

ok..got a lot of things to tell
u all...
abt mr chia being funny in class...
sad abt my class tests...
heart ache over betrayal stuff...

mr chia call david botak
coz of his hair..
and oso "chatterbox" bcos
of his talkative mouth...
very funny d way he show his face..
class laughed a lot during
his lesson...

sad abt my class test...
keep failing n getting stupid marks..
mum n dad keep fighting..
cry lots...
i dun even have peace at home..
how to study..?
my soultion:put headphone n listen
to loud song so cnt hear wat they r fighting abt...
but sumtimes can hear lor...
heart pain to c them fight..
juz feel like shutting them up,u noe..

d heart ache over betrayal stuff..
talk abt it in d next post...
now gtg..
bb..

2008-06-11T16:29:00.002+08:00

ok..sorry neva update...
MYE is over..
long long ago...
dunno wat 2 sae larh..
let's talk about
something else..

sec 3 overseas trip..
well..
quite good...
i like it cos a lot of sleeping..
n can make noise
n bond wif other
classmates unlike d
stupid sec 3 bonding dae..

enjoying myself till
some ppl call us BARBARIC..
sad sia..
what..?
think i sad..
heck care lah..
y shud i care abt
wat u said?
who r u to me?
wat right do u have over me?

Joker
Unique
Dare devil
Youthful

make a nickname..
haha..
then cca camp...
ok oso..
then flag dae..

aiyo..
sux man..
all my frens ps me lorh..
call them FRENS
grr..

aniwae..
there's a 3 dae course...
which ended 2dae..
so happy i passed..
i think...
my junior failed..
but i tried 2 comfort her..
i dun like d examiner lor..
wan 2 talk, can PRONOUNCE it
properly..
n face d person u r talking to...
***hole..

ju-on oso shit lor..
like to order ppl arnd..
im showing u my spirit finger..
dah lah tak mandi..
bau busuk..
tak pakai bedak..
muka masam mcm taik..
she's a BFH

dat's y i hate..
arh..
no nid 2 sae larh..

aniwae..
im here..rotting..
i wish i will just sleep
n not open my eyes 4eva..

nothing 2 sae..
make peace not war..

2008-05-02T16:21:00.002+08:00

MYE has come..
very stressed..
esp subjects dat r difficult
2 understand..

want to ask teachers..
but wat r d qns?
oh shit..
great..

im gonna expecting
2 at least b in d top 20 in class..
can already..
hate u lah...
everywhere i turn
ure alwaes there...

sigh..
sigh..
sigh...
argh...

lets get dis done
n prepare to celebrate larh..

2008-01-09T17:01:00.000+08:00

1st and foremost..
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!
ahaha...

i am sooooo happy...
i have a few new yr resolutions..
but aniwae..

last tues
all i did is
finish hmwk
coz going to start sch oredi mah...

2dae...
during math lesson,
mr chia called me..
to do a qn..
told him dat i haven't
done it yet...

he sae nvm..
juz try,dun worry b happy..
wth...
so i juz do..
n i got it correct

2dae at MT..quite ok..
almost cried
for some reason..
when they were talking
abt sumtink..

2dae during assembly..
kip laughing wif renon..
while mr go n ftsc
were talking wat shit...

stay back...
did hmwk..

2007-12-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

ohk..
so sorry..
neva update my post again...
ok..

d dikir barat comp.
we didn't win but
d boys won...
so its ok...
coz its a gud experience 4 me...

hmm...
2dae got fdc trng...
frm 9 to 4...
quite tired...
cherminn "pancake-d"
her hair...
haha..

onli a sec 4 was there...
then esther n yi xuan ma'am
came...
very tiring coz d sun very hot...
d wind is gud but doesn't come often..
but d trng is alwaes fun n interesting...

learned some new formation...
quite difficult teaching d sec 2s..
but we manage to overcome it..
haha

gud news 4 me
brings a very big smile to me...
haha...
let me give hime my
greatest sympathy..
haha...
yay...
free at last...

went home...
rest 4 a while..
then went to buy things wif mum...

oh ya...
4got to tell...
yesterdae..
went west coast
2 eat at ayer rajah food centre...

i saw this guy...
he saw me..
he's very cute!
ahhaha...
his eyes seemed
2 b smiling at me..
haha...
i kept looking at d guy..
frm behind...
his bhind look like
some1 familiar...

wah..
i haven't finish my hmwk
yet...
how?
do or dun do?
hm...

2007-12-03T13:51:00.000+08:00

well..it has been
sometime i have updated
my post...

ohk..hmm..
last tuesdae..
got SANA course..
then last thurs..
there was FDC training...
F.Y.I...FDC stands for footdrill
competition..frm 8 to 4...
very tired...
but in between got
dikir barat..
so can relax in music room...

then my legs were damn tired...
went home,i was like limping..
fri rested..
sat got dikir barat..
got 2 noe some frenz....
me n sy onli go...
sy learned how to play
an instrument...

then i got 2 noe
d lyrics n moves...
very fun...

after dat..
father fetched me
by car..
fetched bro..
then went jp to eat lunch...

met wif my uncle...
who my mum dun like..
coz of some family problem
long long ago...
n mayb d problem is unsolved...
coz no 1 took d initiative to do it...

waited 4 mum 2 finish her shift...
reached home..
rested for an hour..
then went out 2 watch..
not 1 but 2 MOVIES...
at the cathay..coz my parents
have annual dinner
organised by my father's
company...

watched Fred Claus
at arnd 6.20pm...
juz nice when we reached...
very cold..
but luckily i brought my jacket..

it is very nice
very funny n oso
touching...

then i wanted to watch
Enchanted..
but many ppl have booked
d seats..n not so many seats left...

so my bro n i decided 2 buy
d tickets at d next timing
which is at 10pm...

there was like more than
1 hour left b4 our next movie...
so my bro ajak me go
plaza singapura..

so we walked coz it is juz nearby...
then go window shopping...
i was looking 4 a cd...
while bro looking 4 an mp3...
saw d cd but no eng subtitles..
haiz..

bro saw an mp3..
zen stone plus...
it is selling 2 at $170..
quite oklah...
coz it sells at $90+
for 1 zen stone plus...

then saw spore player..
PRECIOUS...
at star bucks if im not rong...
but got a rock band concert...
n their song were quite nice...
then after dat went 2
paradis(not sure of spelling)
2 eat at macs
n shared a meal wif bro...

after dat went back 2
the cathay...
n watched d movie at
d grand hall..
d cinema was very big..
n a lot of ppl watching...

Enchanted is very very nice...
very very funny...
i wan 2 watch again sia..

2dae got training...
then an early lunchbreak was given...
but i went back early coz
got sumtink on...

d training was damn tekan..
i mean d previous training...
2dae oso a bit tekan...
qx sir gave us a lot of chances...

hmm..will update when i have d time...
now i gtg..bb..

2007-11-24T14:28:00.000+08:00

i noe...
i have been disappointing u
again n again...
countless times...

but please...
b4 u accuse me of anything...
please find out the truth...
it really hurts when u just
wildly hurl accuses at me...

but it is my fault too...
cause i didn't say anything...
i juz kept quiet..

so now...
i understand...
i understand wat u want..
u want me to stay
at home d whole
day...
24 hours at home...

dun u noe dat it is boring?
i noe u do...
so y r u doing dis 2 me?
can't i juz hang out wif my frenz...
n have some fun wif them...

u wan me to juz rot at home?
is dat it?
u always have misunderstood me...
but i didn't sae it...
coz i noe...
i will never have a chance
to say it...

u think u r always rite..
n u always tink dat
wateva i do...
i alwaes have a hidden agenda...

dun u noe
dat my hart alwaes shattered
to pieces everytime u
always tink like dat...

i alwaes cry..
in d toilet...
while bathing...
so dat u won't c me crying...

u alwaes blame me...
blame me 4 being lazy..
blame me 4 being careless...
blame me 4 being inconsiderate...
blame me 4 bveing stupid
or not using my brain...
blame me 4 being such a useless daughter...

fine!
blame me 4 everytink...
u r alwaes right!
wateva i do,
u muz alwaes find mistakes in me...
u r so damn RIGHT!!!

u noe
sometimes i feel like
shouting back at u...
but no..
i dun tink i can...

it sux...
my heart is burning...
i feel so lost..at home...
im trying not to blast any
vulgarities...
but when i do,
let me apologise first...
coz i dunno when i will stop...

it seems weird...
everytink seems weird...
i still sleep late between
1 to 3am...
woke up 6 to 6.30am...
if not some1 wud either
pinch my ears,cheek,arm,legs...
or slap,pushed..
u noe d usual stuff..
sometimes im so used to it..
dat i juz continued sleeping...

but in d end..
i juz woke up n bathed...
coz my ears really r sensitive to
ppl's nagging n scolding...

damn..

2007-11-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

wow...
it's been so long
since i have posted...
maybe bcoz i was juz
too tired or lazy to post...

sorry..

too many things
on my mind..
too many things happen...
too many things to
b forgotten..

aniwae...last week...
frm tues to thurs..
we had a unit camp...
quite ok...
except dat i was
always d casualty
due to my injury...

so i felt
really...
REALLY
left out...
how i wish i didn't
attend this camp
if i knew i wud
b in such a state...

sometimes i
felt used, u noe...
i dunno y...
can't explain it...

u noe...
ppl alwaes sae
dat home is where
u can find
happiness...
home is where u can find
wat u want..
home is where
u won't feel lonely..

but...
is it true?
i dunno...
im now at home...
alone..
bored...
i can't find wat i wan...
i dun even noe wat i wan...

sounds stupid huh?
i guess im stupid...
real stupid...
24 hours at home..
w/o anybody to talk to...
always home alone...

u may wan 2 ask me
if i feel lonely...
yes n no...
yes i do feel lonely...
no i m oredi used to it...

ok..
so i dunno wat to post...
although i have lots
on my mind...
but i juz simply can't
put it in words...

2007-11-01T16:07:00.000+08:00

hmm..
oh great...
now im home alone
until nite..

but its ok...
i can take it...
i guess...

aniwae..
yesterdae..
went sch
at abt 3pm...
collected report book...
n sch mag...
stupid lah...

i clearly rmbed dat
i had paid d
money to dennis....
but i got d sch mag aniwae...

here r my results
stated in d report bk...
i'll juz tell u d
overall marks
n overall grades...

English: 65-B3
Malay: 81-A1
Maths: 78-A1
Science: 76-A1
Geog: 65-B3
History: 68-B3
Lit: 75-A1
D&T: 78-A1
H.E: 81-A1
Art: 77-A1
CME: A
Music: A

Class pos.:4/45
level pos.:35/207

hmm..ok..
i dunno how to react...
so im juz like dis
._.

after dat had prefect duty
until 7..
then stayed back for a while...
coz had meeting...
then i quickly went home
coz i want to watch
my fave tv prog....

then at arnd 11 plus
i went online...
chatted wif cindy
abt d hike proposal..
then chatted wif huiling n cindy
until arnd 2am...
then i offline n watch tv...

then i went to sleep
at arnd 3am...

2dae woke up at 6am...
n bathed...
then i took a nap..
then 8.00 reached sch
for a leadership thing...

d course is quite fun...
then after dat had aop
at canteen...
im so relieved
when zq sir said dat
it was better than d
last 1....

then we went jp
for lunch...
i can't even eat
my carrot cake finish...
so disappointed...
haha...
nid siti,mardi n shi yuan
to help me finish it up...

then went to valu$ shop..
to c d wat to buy as presents
for d hiking...

then went home wif siti...
now i m bored...

realli dunno wat to do..
if i go out..
my mum wud nag at me...
if i stay at home...
hmm...
mayb i will
b bored to death...

nid to go down for
a while to take
some stuff from a fren...
i'll post another day...
bye...

2007-10-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

went to
d doctor
on fri nite...

hmm...
yea..im sick...
but it will b gone
in a week or 2...

time flies
real fast...
w/o u
noeing it
we will all b
separated..

to all my frenz...
thx for being my fren..
n helping me d best u cn
when im down...
even though we
mayb in d same or
different class, i dun
tink it matters..
coz i hope dat we will
still b frens...
im sorry if i ever
hurt or harm u in
aniwae...

to me..dis sec 2 life
isn't dat gud...
i kinda preferred
d sec 1 life more...
coz u won't have to
noe so much abt
ur bloody school or
d staff...

but im thinking
of moving on...
n to those hu noe
i hate u...
i'll still hate u
no matter wat.

period.
dun talk to me.
coz i won't talk to u.
dats juz d way it is.

2007-10-23T12:21:00.001+08:00

I thought I finally received a break.
Only to see the sun fall.

My eyes will not see.
what they longed to see.

My lips will not taste.
what they longed to taste.

Why does life have to be like this?
Full of hatred and pain.
Instead of joy and bliss.

2007-10-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

Justice must be done.
No one will get away with this,no one.
Whoever commits it has a high price to pay.

I shall watch from the corner unsuspectingly.
You shall pay.Watch it.I hate you.
This hatred will scar deep in me
and you'll suffer the consequences.

You. It's you. I know it is.
I will make you live in horror.
You will regret all that you have done.

I'll make you pay ten times of what you deserve.
You'll live a life worse than death,I swear.

Are you afraid of death?You'd better be,
Because you'll soon suffer a fate worse than that.
'Mercy'?
I can't find it in my dictionary.
Was there mercy shown from you?
No.
I guess 'mercy' does not exist in your dictionary as well.
You'll face the merciless me.

the week of NO MERCY..

2007-10-12T11:07:00.000+08:00

Mondae...
had history paper...
didn't manage
to finish all...

lost 14 marks..
mayb more...
went back home...

was walking home
when it started
to rain heavily...
but who cares?

i juz continue to walk
slowly..
reached home...
very drenched...

slept until arnd 7 plus..
then study..
slept at arnd 1.30am...

Tuesdae..
had maths paper..
left a lot of blanks
for paper 1 n 2..

went jurong point
alone...
actually cud have gone
wif mardi n others...

went there to take sumtink...
then went back home..
slept...
studied until 2am...

Wednesdae...
had sci paper...
quite ok...
but i noe d result
won't b ok...

went home...
slept...
studied at nite..
slept at 1.30am..

Thursdae...
had home ec paper...
quite ok...
then had to
wait for another
bloody hour
b4 d maths field test
starts...

all d qns were difficult..
so i decided not to do
most of it..
i juz put any
number dat came across
my mind..

went jp
wif mardi n shi yuan..
juz walk arnd...
then went back
sch for sumtink...

then went home...
then took a bath
n quickly change...
coz going geylang wif
mum n dad...

took mrt wif mum...
then my father board
d mrt at raffles place...

then we alight at
paya lebar..

dunno y...
he seems cold towards
her...
he usually call her mama...
but he call d formal "you"
as in "awak"...
he talks in
an agitated voice..
i mean she talked
to him nicely..
but he talk to her like dat...
i dun like it..
i really dun...
i didn't talk to him...

she juz suggested
to buy some
popiah..let her buy lah...
y wan scold her sae:
dah buat popiah,nak beli buat aper??
translation:
u oredi making popiah,
for wat wan to buy??

it's like..
walao..
freak lah him...
wat's got over him?
i dun c dat it is
neccessary to sae dat..
luckily she was patient...
if i was her,
i wud have scolded
him back..

then did my henna..
cool..
but i m unsure
abt sumtink...
will it b as happy
as last year?
i dunno.

2dae..
went sch early.
discuss sumtink.
then got back EL
paper 1..
scored 20/30...
siti scored same as me...

then maths..
got back maths paper 1...
scored 40/50..
i dunno if i shud feel
happy or sad.
i felt nothin..

am i beginning
to become 'feelingless'?
or have i become..?
i dunno..
juz confused...

am i happy or sad
or excited or angry
or nothing?
dunno.
confused.

went back early during
recess coz half dae
for all muslim pupils..
btw,thx ms chan for d kit kat...

siti has both parents at home now..
mardi also has both parents at home now..
me?well..i m alone now..
i'd prefer to b in sch..

but nvm..
everyone has a life...
everyone has probs..
everyone has stress..
so it's like
every Man for himself
or herself...
i understand..
i won't trouble anyone..

CONFUSED...

2007-10-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

I look into the forlorn night sky.
Flushes of black and grey.
As I stood there,
wanting to weep,
I think of you.
And I am at ease.
But yesterday,
I felt depressed.

I thought you left me,
Alone.
I wanted to cry yesterday.
For fear of you leaving me.
But I just couldn't

Do you know how much
it hurts if you can't cry?
Crying releases your anger and sorrow.
But mine is deep down in my heart.
Trapped.
Maybe you didn't appreciate my actions.
But I don't really blame you.
Because I shouldn't
It's unfair to you.
I shouldn't blame you for making me sad.
I made myself sad.

I loved you too much.

2007-10-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!
Frustrated!!!!

DRIFTING APART...

2007-10-08T12:22:00.001+08:00

I have the feeling
I'm drifting apart from you.
I have the feeling
we are not meant to be.

I have the feeling I've lost you.
Or rather...
you left me.

I believed that
if you put up with the rain,
the rainbow would show itself.
Yes.
I waited.
Waited.
But the sun never came up.
The rainbow never came.
The rain is gloomy and hurtful.
Make it stop...
Please.
I feel very lonely.
Alone.

I've tried telling you many times.
But everything was the same.
Nothing changed, nothing.
I cannot walk this life alone.
Not without you.
Take it that I'm begging you.
I really love you alot....

What am I saying??
I'm sorry.
You have your own life too.
I shouldn't trap you in my life.
I'm selfish.
I'm bad.
I'm useless.

LET'S JUST HOPE..

2007-10-05T15:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,
When things don't work out well,
You cry.
Because things fail.
But don't cry.

Things will get better.
The rain will stop.
But mine did not.
It kept raining.
For days.
Months.

Why aren't you here for me?
I've always loved you.
Always there for you.
I don't know if I did anything for you,
But I really need you now.
Really.
My life is dead.
I am losing friends, one by one.
And YOU.
You're always with me.
I see you.
But I don't feel you.

Hope things get better and the sun comes out...

I HATE U...

2007-09-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

heys..
hmm...
ok..
so thursdae..
i tried to
shake a person off me..

i wanted her
to 4get abt me..
4get abt my 'problems'..

but she didn't wan...
aniwae..
talked to her
for almost 3hrs...

then i went home...

fri...
i hate u..
i cried for u
when u went away...

but now..
things r different...
way different...

i hate u now..
u've changed...
i tot u changed
into a better person...
but no...
i was wrong...

u even hit me...
u hurt my shoulder..
i'll rmb dat...
i no longer like u...

u r juz some stranger
to me now...
a stranger dat
i never really got to noe...

PICS

2007-09-19T16:36:00.001+08:00

even d baby is
pointing a
middle finger to u...

wow...
dis bastard is angry..
he's angry at u...
he said "fuck off!"

even d flame agrees..

dat is one of a kind cat...

whose hand is this?

TYPICAL DAYS...

2007-09-17T16:17:00.000+08:00

ok..
sat...
didn't do much...
very bored at home..
juz watch tv all dae...
miss it very much...

sun...
watch tv...
study sci...
go out wif my aunt
2 make baju kurung...

then watch tv...
bro was sick...
but feeling better...
mum was oso sick...
still taking medication...
even father
is feeling sick...

everyone is sick..
except for me...
wanna noe y?
well..
they r sick of me...
dats wat i tink...

bro went back
to his camp at arnd
9.30pm....

then i watch tv...
while studying...
slept at 2.30am..

woke up at 5.00am
to eat...
then study...
slept for 15 mins...
then bathe...

reached school...
kinda sleepy...
had reading...

then MT...
i can't believe
dat i got 16/20
for my test...
coz i was angry
at dat time...
n i can't really focus...

then it was maths...
mrs tay lectured us
for almost a period...

recess...
2 periods of eng...
didn't talk much...
very sleepy...
i dun wan 2
disturb ms chan
anymore...
coz i noe she
is very busy...
it's ok...
i'll leave u alone...
i won't bother u again...

then it was sci...
had sci test...
quite difficult...

then went thru
some sci ws...
when it was my turn...
i act as if i was
busy copying...
n juz ignored him
even though
he called me...

i'm still angry at him...
when i didn't answer,
he called d next person
2 answer...

he left early
b4 d bell rings...
some students
tink dat he is angry...
heck care...
he tinks he's
d only 1 who can get
angry?
i oso can get angry...

then it was history...
quite ok...
then walk around...
then went for a prefect meeting...

then waited for
jian yang 2 finish up his
maths...
went home...

actually i wanted
2 stay back...
but nvm..
siti is oredi waiting
for me...

so went home...

i've got a message
to whom it may concern...
i shall not
censor d vulgarities
so dat d person
understands wat im
trying 2 sae:

U FUCKING ASSHOLE...
U TINK U SO GOOD??
GO N FUCK UR MOTHER
IN UR FUCKING HOME
N DUN EVER SHOW ME UR
FUCKING FACE AGAIN!
IF I SEE UR FUCKING FACE,
I'LL BLOW UP UR FUCKING
BRAIN WITH A FUCKING
GUN..WHEN U R DEAD, I'LL
BURN UR FUCKING BODY
AT A FUCKING RUBBISH DUMP...
IF U DUN WAN DIS FUCKING
THINGS 2 HAPPEN,THEN GET
D FUCKING HELL OUT OF HERE!
I NEVER WAN 2 SEE UR
FUCKING FACE EVER AGAIN!
MIND UR OWN FUCKING
BUSINESS! DUN BOTHER ABT ME..
I DUN NID D FUCKING U...
SO JUZ B FUCKING GUD N
GO BACK 2 UR FUCKING HOME!!!

PICS

2007-09-14T21:30:00.001+08:00

seriously..i dun smoke..
nobody in my family smokes...
wan me 2 swear?
erm..mayb next time...

i punched d wall..
so bcome blue-black..

there's a bird at d window..

juz drew those for fun..

PICS

2007-09-13T17:10:00.000+08:00

IM NOT AFRAID...

2007-09-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

im not afraid...
im juz preventing
myself from
getting out of control..

i noe u r helping
but i m helping u too..
i noe we trusted
each other...

so it is juz between d TWO
of us...
no other party..
u help me solve
d 'problem'..
i dun see any problem...

u said i m not okay...
well..i m okay...
u said i m escaping
from my problems...
well..how 2 escape
when i dun have any
problem bothering me??

u said u
wanted 2 tell HER...
i said no..
i dun wan my parents
2 b called..
i dun wan CY 2 b called...

i dun wan any attention...
i juz wan some
revenge...
u may call me
anytink u like...
i dun care...

i juz wan wat
belongs 2 me..
u noe wat i meant...
u r getting
into trouble urself
by helping me...

it's not an
addiction or obsession...
it is juz a game...
i m juz planning d game...
d game has not started..
it is juz abt to begin...
well..
d game may or may not
b a success...
but im juz
experimenting...

i dun nid
any attention
or counselling...
i m not crazy...
im calm...

i juz wanted...
u ppl 2 disappear...
let me cry
in a corner...

let me cry until
i dun have any tears
left...
n blood will b
in place of those
tears...

i noe...
u will sae
d 'problem' will
not b solved by crying...
but hey,
have u ever cried??
does it feels gud
or does it feel worse??
u decide...

i told u dat
u hit d 2 target..
well,actually 1...
d parent thing
is not a problem...
i can handle it..

u said we trust
each other..
so y can u juz give
wat belongs 2 me???

i won't disturb u
anymore...
we will 4get abt it...
act as if nothing ever
mattered..

i treat u as a fren..
not an enemy..yet...
once u r my enemy...
well i'll hate u...
as long as i live...

u said u wanted HER
2 'join' in...
no way...
even if u tell her...
i m not gonna talk
2 her..
i won't even look at her...

she is a demon!
she is a witch!
if u look into her eyes,
u will turn into a BITCH!

as for CY...
i still hate u...
wanna noe y???

well,it's for me
to noe...
n for u to find out...
so gud luck
finding out d reason...

well if u care 2 find
d reason...

I DUN WAN 2 HURT U..

2007-09-11T20:17:00.000+08:00

sorry..
i didn't
have tyme
2 post...

so now kinda free..
let see..

sat..
went 4
red cross...
in full uniform...

damn tired
when i got home...
kinda late
4 my religious class...
well,really late..

then went out
wif my bro n father...
went expo...
coz got 'bazaar'...
means food festival
lah...

bought dengdeng...
then my father
oso bought burger...
i ate dengdeng..

then we waited
4 mum at jurong
point..
i bought 2 shoe laces..
coz onli $1 each..

then went home..
i decided 2 take a nap...
then i when i woke up,
it was oredi tyme
2 go out 4 dinner...

i was damn sleepy...
luckily my
father borrowed a car..
ate at east coast park..

then went home..
tired...
watched tv..
slept at 1am..

sun(9/9)
woke up..
ate nasi lemak..
watched csi...

finish up hmwk..
then i then played
ps2 wif bro..

then went to
grandparents' house
4 a ceremony 4
d fasting month...

came home around
10.30pm...
watched tv...
then slept at 1am...

mon(10/9)
after sch..
do hmwk...
kristie came..
chatted wif her..

then went home
at 2.45..
can't go back late
coz my bro is at home..
n he will ask me
a lot of questions...
juz like my mum...
is he trying 2 b mum???

omg..
i cud hardly imagine dat...

tues(11/9)
had reading...
cme period...
talked 2 ms chan...
although it was oredi AE...

as usual...
d whole class
didn't change our
attire..
but still have AE..

recess..
played wif
u-noe-wat..
went toilet..
2 play with it...

then it was sci..
didn't understand
a single thing..

then it was HE..
whole class was
taught by ms lai..
had an unprepared test...
lost 6 marks..

stayed back
after shool..
but went home
at 3.30...
coz bro at home...

i miss it so much...
y can u juz give it to me
n leave me alone...
d problem will b solved...
dun betray me...

i've been betrayed once...
i dun wan 2 b betrayed twice...
dun make me do
things i dun
wan 2 do 2 u...

TRAINING/JE LIBRARY

2007-09-07T18:27:00.000+08:00

woke up..
then got
my things ready
4 red cross later..

then i walked
slowly from home..
but i still manage
2 get to sch in time..

we had pt..
footdrill...
feedback session...
everyting is quite ok..
no comment lah...
coz later
someone not happy..

then we went
juromg east
entertainment
centre...
went there 2 have lunch...
i wasn't in quite a gud mood..
went there wif mardi,shi yuan,
huiling,siti n kristie..

at 1st they wanted
2 go 2 long john silver...
but many ppl..
no vacant seats..
so went 2 kfc..
oso many ppl..
went back 2 ljs...
then we were standing
outside...
blocking ppl's way..

we were waiting
4 a grp of 6 women...
2 finish eating...
then a women
talked 2 huiling...
then huiling n others
look blur like sotong..
dunno wat 2 do..
dunno if wan eat
there or not...
then i dunno larh...

i ask wat r we
waiting here 4...
i mean we actually
wanted 2 go
je library
2 study maths..

i mean...
i dun wan waste tyme..
i sae 2 'em:
eh..u all can make up
ur mind or not??
siti said:
ok..1st, u wan 2 eat wat?
i said:
i anytink..i dun wan
2 eat..i onli wan 2 drink!
huliling said:
they(d 6 women)
said dat 1 of us have
2 order 1st..
so we can book d seats..
i said:
then go n order larh!

at 1st on d way here..
i tot 2 myself
dat i wan 2 eat french
fries onli...
but my mood like shit..
so i juz blurted it out...

then i turned away...
n saw macs..
i told shi yuan
dat i wanted
2 go but sumtink
at macs..
shi yuan wanted
2 accompany me...

i bought
strawberry milkshake..
then i n shi yuan
went back..
saw dat d gerls
oredi got their
seats..

i juz drank
my drink
n said nothing..
it was abt 2plus
i tink..

then we went
library..
then it was
4 plus then
they ate some food
from d
vending machine...

then we went
je entertainment
centre..
went arcade...
then walk around..
then went home..

now i juz reached
home..
going 2 change my
blog add..

so no 1 will noe..
haha..
onli my pri
sch frens noe..

BORED..BORED..BORED...

2007-09-06T16:47:00.001+08:00

yesterdae..
kinda bored..
i read csi book..
finally got 2 finish
a thick book..

nothing much
happened..
doing maths..
searching 4 french
curve...
cudn't find it..
damn...

watched tv...
at 1am..i slept..

2dae..
woke up..
quite sleepy..
listened 2 my mp3...
missed my
lighter a lot..
haish..
nvm..
i muz endure...
hehe..
juz a few daes
left..
then it is time 2 study..

4 end-of-year..
i m scared
dat i may not
b able 2 focus..
coz many things
have been happening...

WHY CAN'T
THEY JUZ LEAVE
ME ALONE???
IT'S NOT THEIR
BUSINESS..
IF THEY WAN 2 HELP...
OK..FINE..
PLS LEAVE ME
ALONE...

this is my blog..
i can sae wateva
i wan 2 sae...

so..yea..
ate nasi lemak
4 dinner...
can't throw away
d food since
my mum is
lying on
d floor
watching tv bside me...

haish..
i was
bloody full..
felt like my stomach
going 2 explode..

then my mum
went toilet..
i quickly throw away d food...

then i watched tv...
i searched
4 my french curve..
but to no avail..

then i watched
tv...
although i have
watched d movie
called "d mighty ducks",
i still watch it..

i can even rmb
some sentences
said my some characters...
haha..
goin 2 sleep late
although there is gonna
b cca training tmr..

THEME:GRIM REAPER

2007-09-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

ur days r numbered...

i'm watching u..

u dun recognize me...

i'm juz waiting 4 d
right moment 2 come..

i shall make
u rest in peace...

i'm juz warming up..

No mercy..

dun nid 2 thank
me..it's my job..

juz u wait..

it's juz a drawing..
no nid 2 b scared..

dun worry..
i m experienced..

dat's my name..

all i see is red..

PICS..

2007-09-05T13:44:00.000+08:00

Joanne ma'am playing d drum..

Mardi n shi yuan

dancing 2 d beat...

rockstar mardi...

stitch in d package..

a necklace..given

by sum1..

let's us share d choc...

we are so UNITED..haha..

let's share secrets...

let's play hide-and-seek..

1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..

ah-ha..i found u...

MISS MY LIGHTER...

2007-09-04T08:56:00.000+08:00

i miss
flicking my lighter..
i miss
burning things..

wat am i going
2 do in dis boring
holidae??

i m alwaes
home alone...
hmm...
nothing to play
wif...
n juz reading books...
damn...

mondae(3/9)
had prefect meeting..
had to decorate
d board..
left at 1pm...

saw my
primary school
friend, suliana...
at her void deck...
i joined her...

we chatted...
she was smoking...
so i asked her
if she has a lighter...

she gave it to me...
n i kinda played wif it...
then she asked
if i wanted 2 smoke...

i rejected it
although i
felt like smoking..
i mean curiosity..
yea..

it was raining..
i waited 4 d rain
2 subside..

then i went home..
suliana's home
is near my home...
i alwaes
walked past her
house everytime
i walked to school..

holidaes can b boring...
but i m glad

dat i didin't

get 2 see dat

stupid face...

i ate 2 panda bearsnacks

4 lunch...
tuesdae(4/9)

damn...
i had a
NIGHTMARE
abt 'him'...

u dunno who im
talkin' abt?
check d 'about' sect...
see who i hate...
yea..

i dreamt
dat i saw him
lying on
d floor..
dead..

in a pool of blood...
but i can't rmb
if it was me
who killed him...

then i oso dunno
wat happened
n suddenly
d counsellor
came...

she was laughing
like a witch...
omg...

then i 4got
wat happened...
i woke up
coz my phone
was ringing...
i had set an
alarm clock...

2dae i m
goin 2 suntec...
wif mardi, shi yuan
n others...

at 1st
i felt like
not going
since siti
can't go...
but i went aniwae...

went to suntec
by mrt..
thruout d whole
journey,
i was quiet..
dunno y..
juz dun feel like
talking..

so i listened 2
my mp3...
then we reached
our destination..

then we walked...
n walked...
then we decided
2 have lunch 1st...
we decided 2 eat
at Pizza Hut...

we forked out
$9 each...
i was very full...

then we walked
around..
went to several shops...
then we went to arcade...
i spent $8 on d games...
all dat is left is $1...
haha..im broke..

then we went back
2 d mrt station...
on d way back..
saw jovin n jin wei...
well..they r couples...

we went 2
jurong point...
it was going 2 b 6pm..
went 2 macs..
ate ice cream..
left wif $0.40...

then my mum
called..
as if i was oredi going
home coz she was
oredi goin home
frm work...

so i told my frens
i got 2 go..
xiangyi ma'am
gave me a stitch stuff toy..
on behalf of other ma'ams...
THANK YOU MA'AMS!!!
met my mum...
went home wif her...

my mum bought
nasi lemak..
i had my bath
1st b4 my mum..
so i ate d nasi lemak
when my mum was bathing...

as i was still
full...
i put some rice
2 my mum's...
then i ate..
but i still can't finish it..
so i wrapped
it up...
n threw it away..

watched tv...
kinda tired..
read my book...
then i watched tv again...
watched csi...

then i listened
2 my mp3...
i closed my eyes...
my father
thought i had oredi
slept...
he switched off
d tv n lights...
then went 2 sleep..

i acted as if
i was sleeping...
but i cudn't sleep yet..
so i juz close my eyes
n listened 2 d songs..
n sang it in my heart...

then at around 1am
i tink..
i slept..

MORE PICS...

2007-09-03T15:18:00.001+08:00

they built wall of china...

sweet couples

stare wat stare?

d three sistas...

wow..wat d hell happened
2 this poor desk?haha..
guess whose desk?

PICS..

2007-09-03T14:55:00.000+08:00

my cute niece
wif her teddy...

prefectorial notice
board...

totoro...

juz tell me..i'll burn it 4 u...

guess who is it?

i juz pinched it...

d next dae...

not pain...
juz blue-black...

WEEKEND

2007-09-03T13:36:00.000+08:00

saturdae(1/9)
damn bored..
went 2 library
wif bro n father...

borrowed
6 books...
all csi..
haha...
i m so crazy abt csi...

went my aunt's
house..
coz she wanted
2 give us mee soto
dat she had cooked...

then went home..
read d a book...
then watched tv...

then it was arnd
2am...
then i slept...

sundae(2/9)
hmm...
i read
a csi book
in my room...

then played
UNREAL TOURNAMENT
wif my bro..
a lot of killing...
it was fun...

i won n lost
some matches..
then i watched csi...

then i watched
my bro played
RED ALERT...
while reading
a book..

then i saw
my old school
bag in hall...
i asked my father..
told me
he wanted 2 throw it
away...

i very angry..
i became quiet...
when my father
was in d toilet..
i pinched myself...

i was angry...
i cried a bit...
now it has
become a bit blue black...
but luckily
nobody spotted it..
coz it is well hidden
in my sleeve..

it's my bag...
why didn't he
ask me if i want it or not...
he still said dat he had
tore d bag..
how can he intrude
my things
n juz throw
whenever he likes
without my permission???

i never throw
his things away...
the bag can still
be used..
it is juz dirty..

then my father
came..
i was watching tv...
then he asked me
if i still wan d bag...
i juz nodded to him...

in d morning..
my mother
talked to me nicely..
she told me
to wash d plates
no matter
who had used it..

she was kinda
pointing at father...
i knew mayb
father had talked
2 mum...

i mean they(my father n bro)
have hands...
n r not paralyzed
or their hands
aren't amputated...
is it so difficult
2 wash d plates???

they r juz lazy bums...
call themselves men...
no wonder
my father is
damn fat...
all he does
is eat n sleep
when he is
at home...

my bro...
alwaes play
either ps2
or computer games...
when he came home...

my mother
won't b home till
arnd 10om...

it was raining...
then mum
called...
asked if it is raining...
then talked 2 father...
then after a few minutes..

my mum called again...
then my father like scold her
said "why never call earlier?"
sumtink like dat...

i hate it...
i hate when father
scold mum like dat...
it is as if he is alwaes rite...

i hate adults..
i dun wan 2 b an adult..
i dun wan 2 b a teenager..
i wan 2 b a baby...

coz a baby juz cry n smile
n doesn't stress out
if there r any problems...

PICTURE PERFECT...

2007-08-31T13:10:00.000+08:00

Isn't it nice??

this is how i felt

in MY HEART ...

HADES FIRE..

2007-08-31T13:02:00.000+08:00

Hades...

Hades...

Hades...

Hades Fire...

Hades...

cerberus...

Hades..

Hades..

Flames of Hades...

Hades?

PICS...

2007-08-31T12:55:00.001+08:00

I'm juz a girl...

I find myself in places
with names but not
faces

The word is
ironic isn't it?

Guess who I am?

Wanna piece of me?

STUPID FUCKING BLOODY ASSHOLE SHIT!!

2007-08-31T11:59:00.000+08:00

so..
i continue
from last post..

when i came back
to class..
it was sci lesson..
mardi told me
dat he said
2 d class
dat sum1 in
class had been
caught red-handed
burning things..

walao..
i very angry...
i cried in class..
i cried quietly..
my eyes n nose
muz have been red
coz mardi realized it...

but i didn't answer
her when she
asked me wat happened...

at dat nite..
i was watching
tv..i saw my mum
went into my room...
i heard drawers
being opened n closed...

but i still act as
if nothing was happening..
mayb she was searching
if there r any lighters..

I M DOOMED...

2007-08-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

dis morning...
i was sleeping..
my mother woke
me up...
asked where
my prefect badge was...

she told me
she cudn't find it...
since she
oredi ransacked my bag...

very surprisingly...
of all days...
she changed
d school bag 4 me...

i was still in a daze...
then i rmb sumtink...
i had put a box
of lighters in my bag...
coz i 4got 2 leave it
in class
as i was in a hurry
to go home...

then i didn't dare
ask her abt d box...
i juz act
as if i m happy...
n even laugh a lot
over small matters...

i talked 2 her
quite a lot...
asked her abt her work
n stuffs...

luckily she never
talked abt d box...
when i reached sch...

i checked my bag...
no box...
i m doomed...

dat means she knew
it 4 sure!!!
wah...
i felt horrible...
but i still
have an extra lighter...
gonna keep it
carefully...

had history...
quite ok...
had art..
it sux...
mdm leong
accused us of not
greeting her...
then she called for
mr. go...
he lectured on n on...
i got bored..
so i read d newspaper...

then it was recess...
i cut some things...

now at com lab..
watching totoro...
but i'm not watching...
coz not interested...

i'll post later
at nite..
or tml..
if i hav d time...

coz i know...
i m doomed...

PICS

2007-08-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

jun tong..

my hand..dunno wat happen...
a bit pain..

renon..my bro...

su ying reading comic book..

mardi n siti..doing backdrop...

soccer ball..bored..so i juz take..

eng hoong..reading book..

the clinic..looks haunted..

PICS...

2007-08-24T22:13:00.001+08:00

burnt paper

burnt paper

bdae cake

bdae cake

bdae cake

DISAPPPOINTED..HATRED..

2007-08-21T15:56:00.000+08:00

i changed my
blog music
background..

so 2dae was..
...................
i dunno...

but kinda bad mood...
n sad mix with anger...

juz now in d morning...
on d way 2 sch...
my father asked me
if i had gotten any test results

then i remember
abt my sci...
i told my parents...
my father said :ok..not bad...
my mum said in malay:
dat's not good...
75 n above lah..."
she sounded disappointed...
i juz looked down...
i was expecting like...
"it's ok..try harder
next tyme"...

but it wasn't...
previously..
when i got 75 n above
in any subject...
she didn't sae anitink...

i myself am disappointed
in her...
cme lesson..
i slept n cried...

then it was AE..
onli d chinese teacher..
he asked me 2 stand up...
in chinese..
then in english..
i juz stared at him..
when he was asking
d others...
i stood up...

everyone in class
didn't wear pe attire..
well, almost...
3 boys which r so loyal..

recess..
cried again...
i hate myself...

sci...
hate mr yew...
very sleepy thru out
d lesson...

hm econs...
wah...
very wat...
ms lai keep scolding...
she sae which teacher
wud we find in dis
sch 2 teach us abt values
such as honesty,attitude lah..
n others...

i hate TUESDAYS!!!
d most hated subject:
AE n Hm Econs

most hated teachers:
(in increasing order
of anger)
mr chong king ching,
ms lai hung lan,
mdm leong
mr clement yew

i feel terrible rite now..
very sad..
felt insulted..
felt humiliated...

but wat 2 do???
ppl wan 2 help me..
but they have
their own lives...
so dun bother abt me..
i won't burden any1...
i tink..

d sleepy mondae

2007-08-20T18:24:00.000+08:00

oh ya..
yesterdae..
felt bad...
coz i had promised
father last week
dat i wud b his cameraman...
as he has a singing competition..

ever since he won a trophy..
consolation price...
he has been desperately
entering competitions..
he really like 2 sing...

yesterdae..
i didn't finish my hmwk
yet...
so my bro tald my father..
dat i cnt make it...
i asked my bro wat father said...

he told me father sound
disappointed..
shit lah...
once again..
i blame myself..
4 being such a disappointing...
useless
helpless..
heartless...
daughter...

2dae..
kinda sad...
my bro has to
report to his unit
2dae...

reached school..
very bored..
then bell rang..
reading period..
i was sleeping..
while acting as
if i was reading..

then it was EL...
then it was SCI...
hate mr yew...
act cute lah him!

aniwae..
i got 35/50...
d marks r decreasing..
kinda make me happy
when it decreases...
but felt guilty
when i told my parents
abt my results..

then it was MT...
ms mardiana was kinda
lame..
then it was recess...
again..
i was happy dat i was
alone in class..
listened 2 songs..
n kinda take a nap..

didn't eat anitink...
then after sch..
went straight home...
my mum was off 2dae...
so if i stay in sch
late, she wud
ask me a lot of qns...
which is kinda annoying...

reached home..
rested 4 a while...
my mum came home
from dentist...
she had bought lunch...

then...
i watched a movie
called 'The Condemned'
n it was nice...
then i did my homework...

my mum was sleeping
in her room...
so i cried...
but can't cry so loud...
scared i wud wake her up..

so 2nite...
im gonna watch tv...
then sleep at 3am..
coz i cannot sleep early..
12 midnite is too early 4 me..

nothing much 2 add on...
coz all dat has
been happening
r alwaes stored in my mind..

n i onli sae some of
them...

pics...

2007-08-19T22:45:00.001+08:00

my fave anime idol:
JIGOKU SHOUJO
(GIRL FROM HELL)

HEROES symbol

RED CROSS "mascot"

(from left):nurul,ira,mimi n me...
we r cousins...

red cross members...plz ignore
d person far right in d pic..
coz she had oredi died...

red cross members...
plz ignore d person far left
of d pic...
coz she had oredi died...

TYPICAL DAYS..

2007-08-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

yesterdae studied
from 9pm to 3am...
coz i fell asleep...
n nobody woke me up...

then in d morning..
walked 2 school..
didn't talk much
to my mum..
she alwaes talk
abt wat happen
at her work...

so i juz listen...
n sumtymes i dun..
when she laughs,
i laugh..
although i dun
really noe wat she juz said...

then reached school...
had science test...
n again...
i have no hope
in my sci...

during my sci..
wah..
i feel like crying...
i very angry
with myself...

but luckily...
i didn't...
phew...

then...
after school...
i ate burger onli...
no appetite 2 eat...

then waited 4 kristie,
huiling n cindy 2 eat...
i waited 4 a while...
then i went 2 class..

very happy coz no 1
was there...
listen 2 songs..
then i cried...

then..
it was 2pm..
i stopped crying...
i changed into my attire
4 training...

but we kinda have
an fac training...
it was very short until
4pm..
coz some nid 2 go
4 shi yuan's competition...

i oso go off at 4pm...
i walk slowly..

then watched movie
wif my bro thru his laptop...
kinda happy dat he will
b home until mondae...

then..i slept...

SATURDAE
had fac competition...
i was d reserve...
it was kinda boring...

won 3rd in district...
congrats 2 mardi,
shi yuan,huiling,
cindy,siti n kristie...

then walked home
from shuqun sec
wif siti...

then reached home...
watched tv...
kinda tired...
went out
wif family..
although i didn't want...

coz scared my father
will scold...
went beach road..
juz 2 buy some
army stuffs...
had dinner...
then went home...

i played ps2 4 a while...
then went 2 bed...
but can't sleep...
at abt 1.30am..
i felt sleepy...
n slept...

then not sure
at wat time...
i had leg cramp...
it was very painful..

i kinda shout..
but not so loud...
coz didn't wan 2 wake
my parents up...
but unluckily...
i woke my bro up...

then he sae dat
i had cramp coz
d fan was at my leg...
n stuffs...

then he switched it off...
wah..
my bro is d best...
then i waited 4 d cramp
2 b over..
then..
i slept...

SUNDAE
in d morning..
can still feel
a little bit of pain...

then do hmwk...
then watch
another movie...
from my bro's laptop...
fridae watched
bourne ultimatum...
2dae watched
the simpsons movie...

then watch tv...
then..my mum came home...
bought lunch...
2 tell d truth...
i dun really like
food frm outside..

i hate it...
but juz eat it..
so my mum will b happy...
2nite..
i will sleep at 1.30am...

thursdae..

2007-08-18T17:27:00.000+08:00

so never post
for a few days..
my heart was damn
hurt these few days...

ok..
hmm..

thursdae(16/8)
had history test...
had some argument
wif techno ah-ma...
dat is mdm leong...
in case u dun noe...

she is a b****
she everytime scold us
during art lesson...
then 2dae...
we were not so noisy...
den she sae we get
A for dis lesson...
so wat???
big deal...
A in art?
hmm...
nah...

then when we finish
painting n went to
toilet 2 wash...

b4 dat...
when mdm leong gave
rauf a brush...
d hairbrush was
oredi like..shit...

so i dunno if
mdm leong is blind
or wat..
coz she saw a long line
of ink frm
2i3 to 2i4...

she quickly called
mr go...
then when mr go
came...
walao..
she act tough...
she accused us..
sae dat 2i3 n 2i1
so guai..
so it muz b us hu did it...
bullshit man...

she talking joke lah...
freako!
then i sae 2 her if
she saw any of us doing it...

she sae sumtink...
then i very angry i tink...
i sae 2 her in front of mr go...
i said
"I SWEAR I NEVER DID IT!
IF I DID IT,
I SHALL BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!"

then some ppl
in d class lauhged...
they tink it is funny...
but i dun tink so...
i very angry at her coz
anyhow accuse...
n d way she talked 2 us...
wah..i feel like slapping her...

then mr go talk sumtink...
then i sae 2 him
"mr go..outside got
camera wat..
go n see who did it lah...
wat is d use of d camera
if u never see???"

wah..dis words...
it came out of my mouth
accidentally..
cos i was very very angry...

then mr go sae we
nid 2 clean up
d marks...
then sumtink made me
even more angry...
i saw her smile after
she scold us!!!

she very *toot* lah!!
so we no choice...
we clean...
then during
history...
mr yew came..
he sae abt d incident...
he sae dat we
shud respect 'em...
coz they r old ppl..
n they may have
sickness...

then su ying sae
"she never show us respect oso!"
then i sae 2 mr yew...
"they r old then dun teach!!
we never force 'em
2 come to our class...
they came themselves...

mr yew was oso
like bloody shit...
never understand us...
he juz sae abt respect...

i dun tink
he is fit 2 become
our form teacher..
cos he alwaes show us
d "don't trust you" look...
he n mdm leong r
d teachers i hate d most now...
but i will still hate clement yew
very much...

then some boys
have 2 mit mdm oen
wif their parents...
wah damn shit...
adults...
they tink
they r right...
they never believe
wat we sae...

when they themselves
r pure liars...

lyrics:falling away by amber pacific

2007-08-15T17:04:00.000+08:00

i changed d music
blog background...
so yeah..listen to it...
coz it is kinda nice
n oso have a meaning 2 me...

Lyrics

I'm on my last breath
Who'd thought it'd be me
I'm leaving behind
love
life
family
And i'll say these last words
I'll fight the pain from within
The bleeding won't stop
I'll stop to take this all in

When it comes down to this
A scene that we've seen before
(A scene that we've seen before)
I won't let you go
I won't stand to watch
as this walls start
to fall apart

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

The warmth from your hands
as they hold me so close
I'm losing this fight
now i need u the most
I'll wait for the time
though my days running thin
I'll count down the clock
I'll stop to take this all in

When it comes down to this
A scene that we've seen before
(A scene that we've seen before)
I won't let you go
I won't stand to watch
as this walls start
to fall apart

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

p.s. the song may have sumtink wrong..
i tink..
bear wif it..
if cannot, juz turn ur volume down...

pics

2007-08-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

death is d only beginning

sad me...

revising history...

maggots!!!

ouch..it doesn't hurt...

maths test/is it...?

2007-08-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

negative..

dat is how i m feeling right now...

2dae had a maths

common test..

quite ok..

but very sure i won't

score so high

although i finished all...

coz didn't have

enough time to check d ans...

ok..math test is over

oredi...
left history n sci...

2dae during recess..

cried..

my eyes very red..

nose oso red...

after school stayed back...

alone in class..

ate lunch in class

while listening 2 music...

i ate a little bit onli..

never finish d food
coz no appetite...

i injured myself..

but a bit only..

if only there were

lots of blood gushing out..

then it wud b d moment

i have sort of been waiting for...

i revised a bit..

but got bored...

so took pictures...

more pics will
b posted in d next post..
i went 2 d teacher's table...
opened d drawer..
saw maggots..
n flies...
yuck...
took picture of it..
then revised history again...

2nite gonna sleep at 3am...
my parents wud have been
asleep oredi...
so i wud either revise history
or i wud cry a bit..
or listen to music...

sumtymes when i cry...
i tink dat i m useless...
i hate myself...
hate myself 4 d mistakes
dat i have done...
hate myself coz it hurts me
when i see my loved ones
hurt or injured...
hate myself when
ppl had done a lot
of sacrifices 4 me...

whenever she scold me...
i will blame myself..
scold myself...
i tink of myself as ungrateful..
coz ppl do gud tings 4 me...
n i repay 'em by
troubling 'em
even when they r busy...

i hate myself...
argh....
oh..juz remembered...
in d morning..
my mum walked me 2 sch...
as i was kissing her hand...
she sae she wan 2 kiss
my forehead..
coz it was said in d radio...
i let her kiss..

i asked myself...
did she do it juz
becuz d radio
told mothers 2 do so??
or is it juz a sign of love
from her???

i dunno...
i mean if she loved me...
she wudn't nid 2 b told by radio..
she wud have d initiative..

well..i dun blame her...
i mean..
i m a teenager now..
so she tot dat she
wud let me have some "freedom"...

it's like when i m small,
she wud hold my hands...
n now..
when i had grown up...
she kinda let go of my hand...
n i m like..
falling away frm her...

*sob*sob*
*sniff*sniff*

2007-08-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

gonna post a short one..
so 2dae...
a bit sleepy...
slept at 1am...
woke up at 5.50am
reached school around 6.50am...
went toilet n cry...
coz sumtink happen...
then it was reading..then EL
quite sleepy..
but i remembered abt sumtink...
very sleepy..

then AE..
it is ridiculous..
then it was recess..
after dat MT..
got an almost one
whole period scolding
from MT teacher...
but i dun care..

then it was MU
then Home Econs...
quite ok...
nid 2 cook solo..
for snacks..
cooked jemput-jemput pisang
got a 15/20...

maths extra class..
mrs tay went thru d wkst...
then after dat..
change for fac training..

got a scolding from
our ma'am...
even though she is not there...
had obsctacle course..
bandaging,pt,scenario
finish..
damn tired..

almost slept when
revising 4 maths tml...
aniwae it didn't get into my brain..

kinda vomit..
at home..
but my mum dunno..
dunno y vomit..
mayb ate sumtink not
suitable for me...

but toilet got stink
of vomit..
spray it with a deodarant..

now wan 2 go to sleep..
very tired..
tml morning then revise again..
i will wake up at 5.30am..

2007-08-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

here is a poem
from me n my fren:

listen to my stories,
overhear my hidden secrets.
their modest is hightened,
because your not giving time to hear it.

sumberge yourself in my thoughts,
and watch my happiness dissipate.
Isolated by exploitation,
shreaded and torn by hate.

capulate into my vision,
embrace everything i expose.
it will be clouded and gripped by demons,
they emit everything i propose.

diffuse yourself into my body,
live my life for one day.
assisinate all of my evils
cant you see yet,
your
just
a rock
in my way.

holidaes??/movie/mondae review

2007-08-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

d weekend n holidaes
were no holidaes 2 me...
coz i was like kinda
replaced sum1 on d fac team...
so yeah..
spent d holidaes
reading n sleeping with it..

sundae(12/8)
woke up at 12plus...
yesterdae slept very late..
around 4 to 5 am...
as i was goin 2 sleep..
my mum's alarm clock rang...
at 6am..d usual "routine"...
went back 2 sleep at 7.30am...
coz my bro keep disturbing me..
very irritating...

guys..
they r sooo immature...
when i woke up..
we had oredi planned 2
go watch a movie...
Rush Hour 3...
at jurong point..
it was nice n funny...

waited 4 mum..
4 her 2 finish her shift...
went back home...

Mondae(13/8)
woke up early..
coz i told mum dat
i wan 2 reach sch by 6.45am...

when she asked why...
i change subject..
well..
i wan 2 reach sch early
coz i dun wan my mum 2 b angry
1st thing in d morning..
coz it wud b listening
2 a radio..
except dat d radio dj
juz speak on n on...
wif no full stop..
or pause...

my father alwaes take taxi
every mon morning...
so i take taxi wif him..
i tot mum wud not go since
father wan 2 send me...

but she oso wan 2 follow...
y waste tyme 2 send me..
it's onli 4 a short while..
in a taxi..

crossed d road..
reached class..
kinda bored...
went 2 2i1..
saw huiling..
discussed abt d FAC...

huling saw a grasshopper...
outside d class..
it kinda looked like d grasshopper
dat i caught b4 in d sch along d corridor
near d npcc room..

but i dun care lah...
went back 2 class...
sit down..
watch ppl..
seeing more n more ppl
coming in...

then bell rang..
had reading..
read a ghost story book...
then it was MT..
i got 37/50...
okay...
not so satisfied..
i wan it 2 b lower a bit
like 30 to 35...

then it was maths..
went thru correction 4 math test...
got a 37/50...again...
then it was kinda revision test...

i did 4 qns...
then it was recess..
went to library to do project...

after recess was eng...
ms chan gave out all d maths paper..
told us 2 do all...
while having d eng oral..

i was doing my work..
when ms chan called me..
but i tot she called sum1 else..
i asked dennis..
he said me...
i was like..oh..

ms chan n i took a stroll down d class..
we reached at a place..
near d spiral staircase...
told me dat she had a glimpse
at my blog...

talked some stuff..
cannot reveal wat it is...
i was gonna cry when she was talking..
but i tried 2 control...
but i cannot control anymore..
n tears start to roll down my cheek..

b4 i cried,while ms chan was talking
i saw mdm oen downstairs...
saw d counsellor..

then d counsellor came up..
went 2 d counselling room..
then came back out..
she saw me kinda start 2 cry..
she came...
i looked away..
n tried 2 wipe my tears...

she talked 2 ms chan...
then when i saw her leaving..
i turn 2wards ms chan but i looked down
on d ground..
ms chan then talked...
she said i mus b patient..

well,part of my life..
i can c dat i m more impatient...

then she asked if
she can let d counsellor read
my blog..
i was like..?????
erm...
well..i juz sae ok...
but i jus remembered dat
i did posted abt her
d dae when she talked 2 me..
but it's ok..
i have no fear..
i mean i can express my feelings
n all d happenings here right??

so yeah..
i kinda manage 2 stop crying..
but i still wan 2 cry...
then ms chan asked if
she could give me a hug...
when i was hugging her..
i really cannot control my
crying...
i cry..
then i went 2 toilet..
washed my face...
cool down...

saw my eyes were red..
n my nose oso red...
went back..
continue 2 do d math test...
but i can't tink properly..
i still wan 2 cry...
i couldn't focus...

so i juz do...
even though ms chan
had given me extra time,
i juz gave up..
coz d qns were too hard..

then it was sci..
mr yew gave out tidbits...
coz we did well in d charity bazaar...
i told him i dun wan..
but i didn't tell him why...
there r a few reasons...
1) it's a charity!
u do it sincerely!
u don't expect any reward...
2) i hate him..
whatever he gives
excluding homework/wksts
i will never accept it..
let me repeat...
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT
WATEVER HE GIVES
3) i hate him very much
4) i hate him so much
dat when i dreamt abt him..
i wud shout at him..
scold him...
until sum1 woke me up..

there was once when i scored
d sci test well,
he gave me a tidbit..
i wud either sae i dun wan it
or if i m lazy 2 open my mouth..
i wud juz throw it away..
it juz disgust me..
even when i wan 2 go washroom..

i wud hold d pass at d tip..
n put it on d basin cabinet..
leave it there..
then when i came out of d cubicle..
then i wud take it..

d class was eating d tidbits..
i saw mdm oen..
sum1 was munching away..
then she said sumtink..
sum1 said mr yew
allow us 2 eat..

then i saw mdm oen looked
at mr yew..
mr yew was like smiling..
i was wishing dat mdm oen will
scold mr yew..
but she left..

after sci was history..
hate history..
too much info..
i remembered i had a fren..
in my tuition class last time..
we were discussing abt wars..
then dis guy said he hate wars..
coz wars will have history...
n he hate history..
i kinda agree wif him..
y can't d world be at peace
throughout d whole years..?

then bell ring..
end of lesson..
mr ng..
very ........
he waited 4 so long..
even if a person walk from his place
4 a while..
he will wait 4 him 2 get
back 2 his place...
very annoying...

HEALING WOUNDS GET WOUNDED..AGAIN

2007-08-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

i m totally disappointed...
damn it...
i m not disappointed in anybody...
but myself...

i m a useless girl...
wateva i do is wrong...
nothing seems right...
i m juz so stupid...

i hate myself...
i really HATE MYSELF!!!
what do i have 2 do
2 pay 4 my SINS??
well, actually..
i m not sure wat i have committed...
but dis feeling inside me...
it keeps bugging me...

when there r ppl arnd
esp. my family/my loved ones..
i will try not 2 break their hart
by crying..
w/o any reason...

d onli tyme i can
cry is either during
recess in school..
coz every1 in class wud go
4 recess...

or when i m mostly
alone at home...
i wud cry...
dat's wat i alwaes do
most of d tyme...

i wan 2 bang my head
against d wall...
i dun care if it hurts...
coz it is oredi hurting inside...

i hope..
i will have an internal bleeding...
or brain concussion..
so dat..
i will not noe
dat i'll b dying..
n i'll juz die in a sec..

where no 1 rescue me...
no one gets help...
every1 juz ignore...
as if nothing is happening..

it wud b gud..
u may tink i m silly...
or selfish...
or wadeva u can call me..

if u have d guts..
sae those words to my face..
n i will give u not
juz a piece of my mind..
but d whole piece of me...

count urself lucky
if i tink of u as my worthy fren..
or u happen not 2 noe
wat is going on wif me lately...
i won't blame u...
i'll hate myself even more...

hit me if u wan..
slap me if u wan..
stab me if u wan..
but u can't KILL me...
coz only i, myself, can kill me...

u noe d word "acting"?
well..dat's wat i m doing..
i m acting happy in front of u all...
nobody noes d real me...
nobody...
coz everybody is
too busy with their own lives...
which i will never blame 'em...

TO ALL MY FRENS...
I M DEEPLY SORRY DAT I M UR FREN...
WE SHUD HAVE NEVER MET OR EVEN SPOKE...
I DON'T DESERVE TO B UR FREN...
COZ I DUN SHOW GUD EXAMPLES 2 U ALL...
I M VERY SORRY..
HOPE U ACCEPT MY APOLOGY..
EVEN IF U DON'T...
IT'S OK..
I WON'T BLAME U...
EXCEPT MYSELF....

fac fridae training/epic movie..

2007-08-12T10:41:00.000+08:00

ok..i continue
frm last post..
then i was like...
okay..
why she wan 2 quit
now??
then joanne ma'am sae..
2 ms haiza
to let ME replace ying shuen...
i was like..
WHAT???
i dun even noe anitink..
i onli wan 2 watch 'em train!
wtf!
wat have i got myself into???
i have no choice..
so i sae okay..

then..we went 4 pt..
along d canal...
we did pumping position,
dipping,duck walking,
frog jumping..
it was kinda fun..
n oso tiring...

then we went home...
we planned 2
mit at my house...
on fridae...
okay...
so on fridae...
hmm...
they came...
they kinda
"admired" my house...
then they began 2 eat
d snacks from my house...
while doing some scenarios...
then we went 4 pt..
we go 2 a jogging track
bhind my house...

attracted a lot of
mosquitoes...
very itchy...
wanted 2 play
basketball...
but no air...
so we decided 2 play..
table tennis...
coz there is a place 4 table tennis...
n oso brought along badminton...

saw shi yuan lying down..
mardi was like
calling 4 help...
huling oso lying down...
but huling was fake...
shi yuan was half fake
n half real...
she injured her palm...
abrasion..
quite red...

then we went back
2 d void deck...
saw elderly ppl...
gathering aroung d table..
cindy n huiling
asked 'em
if they can kinda
move away...
coz we wan 2 play...
but they dun wan...
so we no choice...
we went 2 d park
again..
then play badminton...
leg very itchy suddenly...

went back home...
mardi wanted 2 c
my bro's face..
haha...
she didn't manage 2 c...
coz my bro in his room...
playing ps2...

my bro is shy..
coz many gals...
yea..

they ate d snacks...
my fave panda choc
finish...
unbelievable...
but it's ok..
they're my guests...
yeah..

we watched mtv...
rihanna..
then watched hi-5..
mardi n cindy
really wild...
they very excited...
especially cindy...
she noes d songs..

then watched lazy town..
although some sae
not nice...
but we still watch...
we oso laugh..
coz quite lame...
haha...

then they decided
2 go home...
at arnd 4.30pm..

i cleaned up d hall
n empty d dustbin
then watch 'epic movie'
wif my bro..
while eating nasi briyani
4 lunch...

d movie kinda nice...
it's like scary movie...
except it's not scary...
it's funny..
n got a bit of pornic scenes...
got a scene frm harry potter,
x-men,da vinci code,nacho libre,
narnia,chocolate factory...
quite lame..
but funny...
n very porny..haha
i mean got
really naked women...
they never censored it...
n a sex scene...eww...

but my bro
very innocent...
when got those scenes...
he skipped it..
so blessed 2 haf a bro lidat..?
i tink..

charity bazaar/National Day

2007-08-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

yesterdae..
woke up at 5.30am...
coz of d charity bazaar thingy...

reached there..
but i see no
one was in school...
so my parents n i
wait outside...

then i saw..
a few pupils oredi
coming in 2 school...
i saw renon n elsen...

but i still wait..
then there was a horn...
i turned
n saw mardi waving...

i then go into school
saw dat there were
oredi many ppl...

then we waited
at our booth..
saw mr yew
coming..
then saw eng hoong...
wif a lot
of things with her...
she really is helpful...

then we set up
d booth...
had pledge-taking
ceremony..
then ppl start 2 buy
our stuff...
many ppl
were buying
ice cream float...
i was one of d ppl
in charge...
i quickly arrange some ice
into cups...
then we found out
dat d water is running out...

then we had 2
tell d crowd dat we
had no water left...

then mardi go 2 2i7
stall n play..
coz if win get a 1.5l water...

then it got sold out...
d marshmallows...
n d muffins...
ok..
d frenship thingy...
from $2 to $0.50...
baik man...

then had a concert....
yea..
kinda short...
then we went 2 joanne ma'am's
house...
had first aid
at her house...
did a lot of practicals...
shi yuan called ms haiza
2 confirm who is in d FAC...

joanne ma'am
spoke 2 ms haiza...
then joanne ma'am
told us dat ying shuen
decided 2 drop out...
bcoz she sae dat
we kinda leave her out..
wth..
she alwaes bz wif her
photography...
hiyah...

2007-08-07T18:31:00.000+08:00

Here is a poem:

Slipping away

Like scattered pearls,

My life, my way,

Is fading and withering.

Reality dies,

Its ashes scattering.

My heart cries

For some sign of sanity.

Fading to black,

All light is evanescing.

There is no turning back

As I face my destiny.

EVERYTHING IS NOT THE WAY IT IS

2007-08-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

ok...
so...yesterdae...
hm...
oh..yesterdae..
reading was in hall..
damn hot n stuffy...

then..
reading was interrupted...
mr go talked abt d consequences
of vandalising d flag...
then he said dat 4 boys
had vandalized it by
tying d flag 2gether wif d urinal bowl
so they r 2 b caned
in front of d school on stage...
everybody was "excited"
d boys took turns
2 b caned...
but there is a book
stuck bhind their butt...
so not really dat pain...
aniwae use a normal
kind of cane...
wood...

aniwae...
after school...
siti went home...
stayed 4 a while...
see d rehearsal
of ndp "parade"...
saw jeslynn
leanna n ying shuen...

then i went home...
did my homework...
then i accidentally
fall asleep...
at around 7.30pm...

i was woken up
when my father
sae "alwaes sleeping"
in an angry voice...

then my mum
woke me up...
she sae dat my father
was angry...
n asked me 2 eat dinner...

i woke up...
i was in d toilet...
i tot 2 myself...
wat is his problem?
i never disturb him...
i was only sleeping...

last tyme..
when i wasn't
sleeping u all
ask me 2 go 2 sleep...
now dat i m sleeping..
u all wake me up...

juz wat d hell
do u wan frm me???
if u dun like me...
u can juz open
ur bloody mouth n tell!!
i'll leave d house...
u won't see my face!

i went out of d toilet...
actually i dun feel like
eating at all...
these daes...
my appetite is
decreasing...
not bcoz i wan 2 lose weight...

2 all those who tink i
m going on diet or wateva shit...
i advice u better shut up...
n take back ur words...
b4 i PUNCH
ur big BLOODY mouth...

so i ate my dinner...
n watch tv 4 a while
n i sleep...

2dae...
quite angry...
bcoz i can still
remember yesterdae...
my parents...
i did not talk 2 'em...

i juz nod or
shake my head...
i did not even look
at them in d eye...

i walk wif my mum...
2 school..
did not even speak a word...

reached school...
saw dat siti's bag
was not at her table...
tot mayb she and
mardi n shi yuan
go kristie's class..

however,siti was absent...
went around classes
2 give pre-order list...
during cme...

as usual...
AE sux...
except...
there was sumtink interesting...
d chinese teacher...
had a lot of thick
armpit hair...
i saw it...
n laughed..

recess...
as usual..
sat in class...
broke d code
from renon's bag...
renon is my bro...
he is cool...
he sent me
my fave superstar's theme...
wow...

then it was sci...
we were dicussing
abt tml...
we sell muffins...
marshmallows
dipped in chocs...
ice-cream float...
n angel n mortal thingy...

then yee tiong ask
mr yew if d muffins
were halal..
guess wat?
mr yew smiled...
n calmly said...
"erm...NO..."
wtf...

he didn't tell us
abt it...
moreover...
he haf malays
in his form class....
halo!???...
MALAYS!!
but i tink shud
b cn coz muffin
where got use
pork or lard...
rite?

stupid clementi
yew tee...
i totally hate him...

ndp "preview" & sad...sad...sad...me..

2007-08-05T21:09:00.000+08:00

hi there...
so yesterdae..
i n my parents
went 2 ndp...

it was kinda fun
n boring..
bcoz there were
no fireworks...
but dat is ok coz
i've seen it b4...

then we waited
4 my bro
2 b dismissed at his camp...

then bought dinner...
nasi lemak...
then reached home...
asked my mum
where 2 put clothes
n she was like shouting
at me...
Is it wrong 2 ask?
then she began
her typical nagging...

then i was going
2 eat...
i was d last 1 2 eat...
then my bro
saw thread..
in his drink...
he wanted 2 take
a tissue frm
d kitchen roll..
then he was like
struggling with 1 hand
to pull d tissue roll...

then i was goin'
2 help him...
he said.."can u help me?"
in an angry way...
i was like..
hey, i was gonna help...
this is wat i deserve?
fine..i m unlucky..

then i watched tv
until 1am...
then slept in my room...
my bro was trying
2 wake me up..
but i juz ignore him...

then my mum
was like shouting...
she shouted dat if
i never wake up..
she will pinch me...
i juz continue sleeping...

then she came
n pinch me on
my right arm real hard...
ouch...it really hurts..
but i act as if i didn't...
i slowly drag myself
2 d bathroom...

i cried...
i was angry...
not 2 her...
but myself...
i pinch on my left arm
real hard...
is there a law
dat says u muz wake up
early in d morning at 6am??
i mean c'mon...
it's a weekend...
hello..weekend...
no school..
suppose 2 b a rest dae 4 me...

well after i bathed...
my nose was red...
i looked down so
dat she won't notice..

i ate 2 bread...
then i slept in
my room...
i looked at
d mark
dat my mum pinched...

it was kinda red..
i looked at d left arm...
n it was red too...

i acted as if
i was sleeping...
but actually
i was crying...
y muz she punch me??
y can't she take
a sharp knife n
stab me as many
times as she wants...
i won't blame her...
in fact i will thank her...
coz she has
released me from d
pain...

when my father
n my bro got home...
i did not talk much...
my bro wud talk 2 me...
or try 2 joke with me..
but i acted as if i was
busy studying...

whenever
i look at my right arm...
it hurts...
my heart hurts..
i tink dat i m
useless...
hopeless...
helpless..
stupid...

it pains me...
it really does...
my heart is in pain...
but i never die...
sometimes i wonder...
if i have a real heart...
d world is getting
darker 4 me...
i can see nothing...
i hope 2 see nothing...
coz it always hurts...

so when my mum
came back from her work...
she talked 2 me
as if nothing
had happened in d morning...
i was kinda disappointed..
i tried not 2 talk 2 her....
n she thought dat
i was not feeling well...

not feeling well huh?
well i guess u dun
noe me well
as ur daughter...
all u care is about money...
work...
dat is all u can tink of...
hey..i can give u money...
i can give u everytink...
i dun nid money...
it's not important 2 me...

well..dat is all i wan 2 post...
i nid 2 study 4 my maths test...
i nid 2 focus...
even though i can't...

BITTER...SOUR..SWEET???

2007-08-03T20:22:00.000+08:00

well..
2dae..
is quite good and bad..
gud bcoz..
erm..
caught a grasshopper..?

well bad...
hmm....
a lot of bad...
bad bcoz i dun tink
i did well 4 my MT ct...
bad bcoz mondae..
there is goin 2 b
a maths mock test..
which is kinda scary...

bad bcoz i felt tired
MT lesson...
bad bcoz i cried again....
in class during recess...
bad bcoz i dun really
understand chapter 4 of history...

there r a lot more...
but i will not reveal it..
so after school...
stayed back..
ate lunch...
then sat in d middle
of d parade square...

i listened 2 my mp3
while shi yuan
n mardi get some 'tanning'...
n kristie too...

then we go
2 d red cross room...
watched mardi,shi yuan,
huling n cindy practice
4 their competition...

but it was kinda bored
looking at 'em...
so i listened 2 music
in my phone...
then i cried a bit...
but stopped...
which is very lucky 4 me...

esther ma'am was
sitting beside me...
then she said
"nada dun b too emo..."
i was like..wth...
i hate people calling
me dat word..
so i will dislike them
until they apologise...

i will still b frenz
wif 'em..
but deep down a lot of
hatred on d person...

den..
we watched d 4 of 'em...
having a practical test...
then..we went 4 pt..
then we bought bubble tea
n went home...

let me share wif u a poem...

I look out to the inky sky

Feeling confusion only

What is this world coming to?

When no one cares about any other?

There are children who scream in pain

Mothers who weep sorrowful tears

Fathers who are helpless to stop the suffering

How can we endure it?

I scream into the sky

Why, God, do You let this happen?

But I hear a soft answer

Why aren't you trying to help them?

I've turned my eyes and heart away

Believeing if I don't see them

That they're not there

So I am the guilty one

For not reaching out my hand to those in need

While children die and mothers weep

I am screaming at the world

But yet I am doing nothing

I look but I do not see

Somehow I've gotta get to them

Ease their pain and dry their tears...

MALAY N MATHS TEST

2007-08-02T18:13:00.000+08:00

heys...
2dae is kinda ok
4 me...
but during recess
i cried a bit...
but stop after a while...
coz mr govin
suddenly appeared...

d 1st period was p.e...
we had to run 2 round...
then can play badminton...
but i juz walk while
mardi,siti,eng hoong n yan qing
run coz they wan 2 play badminton...

i juz walk...
jovin n jolene walk wif me...
jovin was like encouraging me...
like 'there is alwaes a better dae
4 tmrw...'sumtink lidat...

then we went up d hall...
me n jolene was sitting down
at 1st..
then we played...
but i dun really feel like
playing...

i only play coz
jolene wanted 2 play...
so i juz play wif her...
i didn't noe bell had rang...
it was 10 mins later dat mr yeo
came n scolded us...

we quickly went back...
mr yew was oredi waiting....
d lesson was confusing...
even though i try 2 understand..
i still dun understand...

then it was malay...
i totally 4got dat
there was a test...
but i told myself...
that it's okay..
no nid 2 worry a lot...

we exchanged papers
after finishing d paper...
i scored 42/50...
n i heard dat i was d highest...
i didn't like it...
i tot dat sum1 like razi or syafiq
wud get d highest...
i dun noe why...
but i dun like being d highest...
to me...
being d highest in mt
is nothing...

coz i dun feel happy or
proud of myself...
in fact, i felt really angry
n sad...
it is as though
i had failed the test...

*sigh*
it is really not gud
4 me dis year...
i tried 2 b happy at school
n in d presence of my parents...
but whenever there is nobody...
i will cry...
i juz cried...
i can't stop it...

then it was art..
i dun really like d lesson
firstly d teachers..
secondly chinese painting...
i tink dat it is a waste of ink n paper...

then it was cme..
ms chan was on mc...
so we had 3 free periods...
however,mrs tay
came in d 2nd period
of cme...
we had maths test...

once again..
i m not so confident
of passing d test...
even if i pass...
i wud not reach 15 n above..
then mrs tay continued 2 teach
us maths till 1.3opm...

i stayed back...
mardi had 2 go 4 her
chinese class...
siti had to go home
coz she was hungry...

so only me,jun tong
n daniel cheng's bag...
in class...
then jun tong left...
daniel cheng took his bag n left...
so i was all alone...
in d class..

i was doing some maths
homework while listening
2 my mp3...
cried a bit coz
a song in my mp3 was
very sad 2 me...

then at around 4.40 pm..
i packed up n went home...
reached home n ate lunch...
i ate biscuits n milo...
d usual meal 4 me..

now i all alone at home
till 10pm...
wif no one 2 talk to...
or accompany...
juz d tv...

tml haf ct...
malay...
so i will juz study
stuffs dat i noe...
dat's d end of my post...
thank u 4 reading it...

TUESDAE N WEDNESDAE

2007-08-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

yesterdae..
had reading period...
then it was eng period...
then AE class..

i am totally
not interested
in AE...
i don't see how
i am going 2 use it
especially..
if my class is learning ballet...
which i totally hate
coz i dun really like when
they stand on their "toes"

when i was watching csi,
d detectives discovered dat
d murdered victim was a ballerina...
bcoz of her weird toes twist...
i mean like d joints of d toes were bent...
yeah...sumtink lidat..

then it was recess...
i did not go 4 recess..
as always..
i m alone in d class...

then it was mt...
n music...
then it was home econs...
y r they so evil 2 punish us
waste paper?
dun they noe dat they
are causing global warming???
i dun like hm econs teachers...

i got back my test paper..
i got 13/20...
as i had thought...
i wud not do very well...
even if i stay up all nite..
my effort of revising
is juz a waste of time...

i oso got 2 noe dat
i got d lowest mark...
wow..
mayb my wish came true...

came back home..
do homework...
woke up at 7pm...
revised 4 tml history(which is 2dae)
but i cud not get anitink
into my head...

arghhhhh....
so i haf a feeling dat
i will not do well
in my history test...

then it was art...
mr meng thought
us 2 draw cherries..
i tink dat it is a waste of time...
2 do all chinese calligraphy...
chinese painting...

then it was p.e...
tot dat 2dae we
r going 2 play badminton...
but some ppl occupied d hall
so no nid...
played soccer with renon
for a while..
juz kicking d ball 2wards him..
but i dun really feel
like playing...
so luckily...
it began 2 rain
n mr govin was shouting at d
ppl in school uniform
playing basketball...

went back 2 class...
sat there..
then change into school inform...
listened 2 music frm my phone...
then i cried...

ok...
so now i m going 2 confess...
why i cried...
the reason is...
i hate myself...

yeah..
i hate myself...
sometimes...
i feel like ending it all...
but i dun wan...
bcoz i still love
my family...
my frenz..
n every1 i had met...

at home...
my mum alwaes nag at me...
for not doing sumtink rite...
or homework..
or my room...

if i was holding a pen...
i wud squeeze d pen tightly...
at unlucky times...
i was holding a 2b pencil...
n i was like squeezing it...
n it broke into 2...
i quickly hide it somewhere....

my hand wud feel a little pain....
sometimes, it wud bleed a bit...
but i like to feel the pain...
so dat my heart won't feel
so painful...

i m disappointed
of myself...
disappointed of wat
i have become...
i was in 3rd place
in the 1st semester...
i was really shock
n deeply upset about dis...
i mean if i was in d top 10...
then it wud b ok...

but 3rd?
to me it is like sending some1
straight 2 hell
by d end of d year...

some more...
dis year i haf been distracted...
it actually has started in january...
but i tot dat i cud control it...
then in april...
my bro went 4 ns...
i cried even more...

i have become more lonely...
in school...
home...
anywhere...

then...
when my mum started
2 nag n
sae all things...
wehich really hurt me...
i wud act as if i never hear...
then...
i wud either go toilet
or my room...
n cry...
my parents will not noe...
they onli noe dat...
i m lazy..
onli noe how 2 eat n sleep...
not responsible
or considerate...

but..
let it b...
as long as she is happy...
dat she scolds me...
i can endure all this...
i can suffer in silence...

but i can't hide my emotions
well..
the place dat hurts most
is my heart...
i m thankful 2 all my frenz...
who showed care n concern...
but i repay u with my silence n tears...
so i tink i m not fit 2 b ur frens...

mayb i m meant 2 b all alone....
i dunno...
everybody's changing...

MY TYPICAL ROUTINE

2007-07-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

i woke up..
in the morning..
had a cold bath...
then..slept again...

woke up at around 11am..
do homework...
watched my fave..
csi,csi:new york,csi:miami...
i like to watch csi..

then..
it was like 3pm..
my father very lazy
to buy lunch so he call kfc
but the number was busy...

he called a few times..
but still cannot..
so he gave up...
then slept...
wth..

i heated water...
and had bicuits with milo...
i always do that when
i get home after school
for lunch..

i dun really eat that much
for lunch unless my mum bought sumtink....
then my father woke up..
he go out and meet my mum
to buy dinner..

they got back at around
7pm..
i had cooked rice...
they buy chilli crab,
grilled stingray,sambal kangkong...
i was like..okay....

but i ate a little bit coz
i was too full...
that is all i remember
i just remembered
dat i haf eng common test tml..
so i studied a bit..
which was useless
bcoz it is compo
n u will not noe wat topic...

i woke up at 5.45 am lidat..
n memorized a bit...
then i bathe n dressed up 4 school....
reached there...
after flag-raising ceremony...
felt sleepy..

then saw mr yew..
made my blood boil...
reached class...
then the paper was given out
and it started...
read the questions...
set up by ms haiza...
the questions were like..
erm..damn "difficult" to express...

i wrote the last question..
d question saes dat
i haf to write real or imaginative account
on a story entitled 'A Difficult Choice'
at 1st i haf no idea..
but i had an idea..
i wrote about me n my bf...
then i edit a bit...

i wrote dat i was a flop
in my studies ever since
i met firdaus..
difficult choice:study or love...
chose study 1st..
but sad story..
firdaus died in an accident...
so sad...

then..time's up...
it was malay period...
cikgu never come...
then it was maths...
quite ok..

recess..alone in class...
eng period..
sci n history...
then went home...

n do homework...
after dat i slept...

FRI TRAINING/ RCY CAC

2007-07-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

oh..yesterdae...
i 4got 2 tell u abt
fri training...

well..it's not really
a training...
coz me,hl n cindy...
go rc room n colour d posters...
until d end of d training...

when we entered
d red cross room...
i cried...
dunno y...
i felt miserable...
my heart seems 'heavy'..

dunno y lah...
hl ask me...
but i juz kept quiet...
i juz cry....

it seems like i alwaes
cry everydae...
n dis week i cried d most...

aniwae...
d poster was quite nice...
yeah...
they had water parade...
siti was damn wet..

went home...
n waited 4 mum
2 b back at arnd
8 plus pm 4 dinner...

i do maths homework...
then watch tv...
i slept...
but woke up
when cindy told me..
she sent a script
4 tml's cac...
then i wanted 2 print...
but my printer got problem...
halfway printing
got some weird numbers...

2dae woke up at 5.50am...
had cereal wif milk...
n then went 2 siti's house
coz mardi 4got 2 return
me my red cross nametag...

then reached at mac...
met huiling...
cindy was late...
had breakfast...

met ms lee...
took a cab...
slept halfway....
got stomach cramp
n felt like vomitting...

reached ang mo kio sec...
change into uniform...
then touched up our
posters...
we used a box n pasted it...
so we can turn it easily...
n show it 2 d judges
yeah...

we waited...
then d judges reached at our
booth...
we did okay
but we kept looking at d scripts..
d judge ask some qns..
then we were relieved
when they finish judging...

we waited till lunch at 1.40 pm...
then we went up back...
we sat down...
they announced d top 3
in all districts...
our district was d last 2 b announced...

then..
it was our district...
we were d 2nd runner up...
we were very happy....
d trophy was nice...

then we took pics
n then went to take a cab...
we reached at city hall
changed into rc shirt
n track pants...

then cindy realise her hp
was not with her...
she go back 2 toilet...
cud not find..
she search her bag...
then went 2 toilet again
with huiling...

n came back...
she found it...
she was happy n relieved...
then we went 2 mrt station...

i went back wif huling...
i alight frm mrt at lakeside..
took 187...
n reached home...

FRIDAE SCHOOL/TRAINING

2007-07-27T23:36:00.000+08:00

2dae was not so gud
like yesterdae..
i came 2 school...
n do malay w.s wif siti
4 a while...

then i saw kristie...
went 2 her class
n teach her how
2 polish boots...

then go back class
n had 2 periods of eng lesson...
it was ok...
learnt how 2 do
conversation...
so muz think quickly...

after dat had 1 period
maths n 1 period history...
it was raining heavily
n there was lightning n thunder...
razi was like playing wif rain water...

then at d end of history lesson...
razi splashed rain water at me..
it got into my eyes...
i very angry...
i scold him..
i sae i never did any wrong
to him..y he splashed me...

dunno wad got over me...
i got angry n throw
my history textbk at him...
very hard..
i actully wanted 2 throw
at his head but i aim at his back...

then i heard he say
he juz splashed water
n wan 2 get angry over it...
i kinda agree wif him...
y do i get so agitated
over small matter?
i didn't used 2 b lidat...

as i was angry...
i had wanted 2 sae...
if i chop of ur dick
n sae dat i was juz joking...
how wud u react?

but i dun wan 2 sae..
i was angry...
i wan 2 control...
cool down...

during recess...
i didn't go down...
i dun really like
to go down 4 recess..
so usually i will b all alone...
yea..

after recess is 1 period of history...
n 2 periods of mt...
it felt like d lessons end quite fast...
so after sch
me,mardi n siti ate in school...
then we went library...
played scrabble...
then changed 4 training...
i lent mardi my red cross nametag
since i m not wearing uniform...

coz tml got competition..
but she 4got 2 give it back 2 me...
so i m in trouble...
i m alwaes in trouble
n alwaes unlucky...
i haf been doing badly
4 some tests...

i m not happy..
i will nid 2 buck up...
yea...
d end...

EVEN ADULTS LIED

2007-07-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

2dae is kinda ok 4 me...
i cud finally smile a bit...
yeah...
but let me tell u abt yesterdae...
coz it's kinda weird...

ohk..so i told my mum
to wake me up at 5.30...
bcoz got science test...

then..
when i reached school...
i was holding a science book...
then a school counsellor
came out of d general office...

we had a conversation:
school counsellor:gd morning!
me:gd morning...
school counsellor:studying hard 4 ur sci?
me:(i juz smile n nod)
school counsellor:wad class r u frm?
me:2i2...
school counsellor:ouh..nada is it?
me:yea...how did u noe my name?
school counsellor:oh..bcoz i saw ur name on d prefect list...u r a prefect rite?
me:oh...

ohk..dis is d weird part...
how she noe my name..
i mean..
mardi n siti r oso prefects...
n if there was my name on d prefect list...
it wud b 'Qatrunnada' n not 'Nada'...
so how she noe my name?
i suspect...
i onli suspect arh...
no proof...
i suspect dat it was mr yew
who told her my name...
but 4 wat?
so..i dun tink so...

i dunno....
*sigh*
d sci test was quite difficult...

ok..let's talk abt 2dae...
so..it was history 4 d 1st 2 period...
it was kinda boring n confusing...

next..it was eng...
it was kinda ok..
preparing 4 oral...
i read 2 d class...
got a 7 to 8..
yea...

then..it was p.e...
then recess...
then...music...
sang d national dae song...
then it was mt...
kinda boring..
then it was art...
i hate calligraphy...
y muz everytink b chinese?
racist...

so..ok..wadeva...
then..i was going home...
saw ms chan at 2i1..
waved at her..
she talked 2 me..
abt d mon n tues issue...
after dat..
i went home...

things r kinda compliceted...
i dun noe how 2 express 'em..
i dun noe wat's happening 2 me..
i alwaes feel negative...
being used...pushed aside...
lonely..
weak...
useless...
hopeless...
helpless...

i m gonna share with u a poem..
No one can comprehend me
I'm not like them
A crime which deserves just punishment
I feel shuned and disowned
I am marked and pegged
I open up to people
But they close their ears

Perhaps if I were in a metroplis
Then I would find others like me
But, I'm stranded in a village
Where only one is acceptable

I long to stand and scream
Yell at the height of my voice
"Why do you judge when you do not know?"
But people just pass on; paying no mind

Now they do not hear
They cannot see the pain
For in the times we live
You are who people say

another poem...
i am hurting
Not knife in my chest hurting
Not sick hurting
Not the bodily hurt that sometimes comes like wild sobs
But just sorrow hurting
Hurting that I have no control
Hurting that I want to let go, but I can't
Hurting that I want to tell them...impossible

MR YEW BULLIED ME!!!

2007-07-24T16:13:00.000+08:00

hi..
yesterdae got a stomach ache...
big time...
damn painful..
i cried..partly bcoz of dat n sumtink else...
but i can't tell...
it juz breaks my heart...

aniwae...
2dae is lyk d worst dae in my life!
no..no..
it is one of d worst days of my life...
wanna noe y?
well..let me begin...
i woke up n tot dat
i was late 4 sch..
i didn't wear my specs..
so i c d clock..
it is 6.30am...

i quickly pack my bag...
then..i shower...
then,as i was going 2 my room...
my mum asked mi if i tot
dat it was 6.30 or i purposely bathe...

i was shocked...
i told her i purposely...
then..i act as if i was doing a hmwk...
then..i fell asleep n woke up at 6.45
i wear my uniform n quickly go...
when i reach school..
i feel sleepy...
so i keep quiet n look down
on d floor...
if anybody ask mi anytink...
i will juz nod or shake my head...

d bell rang n it was tyme
2 go 2 canteen 4 assembly n reading...
after d pledge taking ceremony...
i read mardi's reader's digest
while she read my book...
then..as i was flipping through...
i saw my arch enemy...
my clement yew...
he called syafiq 4 d teacher-student chat...

i rmb dat after syafiq...
it is my turn!!!!
oh shit!
wad 2 do???
walao...
damn it lah...
i continue reading..
then suddenly...
mr yew came 2 d table...
he call me n ask me 2 come
n sit at a corner of d canteen
4 d teacher-student chat...

i slowly walk..he was sitting oredi..
yhen he saw mi..he show me
2 sit bside him...
wtf! nan bei sia...
some more d space so little..
so if i sit..i will b close 2 him...
but i juz sit...
then he told me dat
he heard i cried yesterdae
n asked mi if i had any problems...
i looked down on d floor...
i did not wan 2 look at his face....
i didn't talk much..i juz nod n shake
n talk a bit..yea..
then he said abt my bro..
dat was when i suddenly get
emotional n cried...
stupid me..
i myself dunno y i cry...
i wan 2 stop...
but my tears keep rolling down...
he told me not to cry...
he then say dat i alwaes
let my emotions
take control on me...

well..i dunno wat 2 sae..
but i kinda agree wif him...
seriously...
i dunno wat's happening
2 me...
i keep crying n i feel letdown...
by whom?
i dunno...

arghhh.....
wat's happening 2 me...
i hate being a teenager...
it sux...
i wan 2 b a child...
a child dat noes nothing...
not even right or wrong...
a child dat has no work...
stress-free...
n d only job 2 do is juz cry
when u r scolded...

these days..
i kinda feel sad n lonely...
it's like...
being alone in a corner...

ok..back 2 mr yew...
i finally managed 2 stop crying...
but i notice dat some of d 2i1 ppl
saw me crying...
wah..paiseh arh...
i wud not haf cried if
mr yew didn't mention
my bro...

he sae i nid 2
get close wif frens...
socialize or sumtink...
wth...but..wadeva..

2dae got aesthetics..
1st lesson..
our class keep saying...
dyan bapok n then yay yay...
then..suddenly..daniel cheng
say mr.chong bapok...
we laughed...
funny sia..but mr. chong dunno
wad it means..
so they juz sae it...
he took time 2 arrange us..
then...
when we going 4 recess oredi...
we chanted mr.chong bapok.. yay yay..
haha..
even d gerls chanted too...

i didnt eat anitink..
dun feel like eating..
lost my appetite...
then it was science...
lesson was fast cos
dyan wan 2 talk to us abt
d national day charity bazaar...
i was in-charge of
marshmallow dipped in choc...
yum..yum..

then it was home ec...
it sux.. i hate ms lai..
she tink she so gud meh?
d project thingy...research...
she anyhow sae i copy paste...
go 2 hell lah..
i summarise it ok...
i hate ms lai...
she will b on my list...
she ask me n siti 2 redo...

then it was maths...
i was nervous n
got a feeling dat i fail...
then..when get d paper...
i hsppy dat i pass but
unhappy then i get less than 15 marks...
haiya..
i muz work hard...
i'll try my best....

HATE MR YEW

2007-07-21T12:01:00.000+08:00

hello..i juz woke up..
hehe...
yesterdae i watch
wwe smackdown...
but fell asleep...
=.=

yesterdae
d training was
quite okay..
not too tough
not too slack
i tink...

so..yesterdae..
had lessons...
i hate mr yew
very much..
even if he is d
last teacher on
earth..i still hate
him..very much..

after sch..
at 1st plan 2 go
2 d kfc near hua yi sec
but mardi wan 2 go 2
d swimming complex...
she sae dat it was near..

when we reached there..
we ordered but haf 2 wait
quite long coz they still
cooking..
d cashier gave us
zinger burger 1st
so..we wait...
then d person gave us
4 burgers..
i tink she gave us extra...
so we gave it 2 suying
since she wanted it..

we ate in classroom..
there was razi,alif n kang yong...
razi collected some kind of a plant..
he sae if d person he give,
he will ask her 2 b his stead..
haha..wth..
he gave mardi but
mardi didn't take it...
so he was like
"heartbroken"...
he told alif n kang yong
who mardi is 'interested'
wif...
n of all ppl he told 'em...
it is..mr clement yew...
muahahhaha..
but i oso had 2 agree
cuz even during mr ng' lesson,
she called him mr yew..

n oso during mr yew's lesson..
mr yew alwaes call her...
like 'mardi,u wan 2 try?'
or 'how about u mardi?'
hehe...she was like..
i dunno angry..
razi continued 2 whisper
2 alif n kang yong...
n they kip laffing...

then..mardi chase razi
n scream after him...
hehe..it was funny..
razi ran...cuz he is a football
player..so he is fast..
but he ran a lil' bit slow so dat
mardi can't catch him...

aniwae..we change into
mufti...while waiting
to fall in..we saw kristie...
i heard dat she had a fall...
then after dat...
while putting down my bottles...
i saw jesslyn's wrist..
there were like slashes..
juz like my fren when
he was depressed...
i told mardi..
we talked to her...
she juz sae ok..

but i hope she
doesn't do dat again...
i noe she is stressed...
unlike some other sec 3s..
it's like every1 is pinning
hope on her...n
she didn't wan 2 let every1 down..
so yea...
dat will b d end of my post...
i wan 2 cry...
coz i hate...

RACIAL HARMONY???NOT...

2007-07-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

hiyee!!!
very sorry
i have not
been updating my blog...
coz i have been busy...

lots n lots
have happened
after the june
school holidays..
such as mr tay has
become our permanent
maths teacher
for the next 4 months!!
renon n i
always joked about
her ai chin music...hehe
her full name is
mrs tay ai chin..n
there is a wwe wrestler
who have a finishing
move called
the sweet chin music..
lol..?

oh..ya..
i 4got to tell u
sumtink..
my father
quarreled with
my mother
just because of his singing competition...
he kinda shouted..
i can hear his voice even
if the door was closed..
i was watching tv at d hall
n my bro was playing online games...

i was shocked at 1st..
i pretend not 2 listen
but it was scary..
however,wad is even
more scary is that
d next dae...
d were talking 2 each other
in normal tones...
except i noticed dat
my mum was a bit loving to him..
adults...
i juz don't understand 'em..

so let's talk abt my sch...
it sux..
i was like suffering...
wanna noe y?
in school..i have friends...
they made me 4get my loneliness...
came back sch...
it was like a graveyard...
n also boredom...
no 1 in d house except me...
i can't blieve i m at home..
i mean wad is d meaning of home...
i tink dat even if i die...
my parents will finish their work,
my bro will finish his trainings n
24 hours later...
they found out dat i m dead...
wow...dat is wonderful...

i mean my mum won't have to nag
at me early in d morning
n waste her energy n breath...
my father..he is such a caring man...
he won't have to ask me
if i wan to eat dis or dat food anymore..
my bro won't have 2 scold me anymore...
4 juz a small joking matter...

they cn save money...
electricity...
love..
wat the hell...
why am i talking like this?
puieee....

ok..so let's REALLY
talk about sch 2dae...
i woke up at arnd 6.10am...
bathe n dressed up..
i had brought baju kurung
with me coz 2dae got
"racial harmony" day...
mardi wore a brown baju kurung...
shi yuan wore a pink baju kurung...
i changed n wore blue baju kurung...

i was accompanying ct 2
huiling's class...
then..when i wan 2 go back to class...
i bumped into mr yew...
he was wearing a...erm...
i dunno wad king of shirt he's wearing...
he looked at my baju kurung n say
'Nice costume'....n walked away...
nice costume??
it's a baju kurung lah...

ok..so..wadever..
thx 4 d comment anyway...
we had flag raising
n it was hm ec...
we had to do a roti john...
me n renon were partners....
so renon told rauf n mardi
to share an egg since ms lai
wanted us(in pairs) to
have only half an egg...

ct n jolene were partners...
then..dunno wad happen..
ms lai asked us to crowd
at her table...
n asked us 2 put d bowls wif d eggs in it
on her table...
she told us dat there shud
b 12 bowls including hers...
there were 13...
she flared up n asked who had extra...
her instructions were:
-pair up
-half an egg per pair
i saw ct n jolene mixing
one whole egg each..
individuallly...
uh-oh...
it must b 'em...
then...ct did d unthinkable..
i tink..i dunno...
she put her mixed egg into jolene's...
dat wud make 2 eggs in a bowl...
ms lai's instructions was to
have half an egg per pair
not per person...

when ct was doing dat,
ms lai saw her..oh shit..
she stared at ct...
ct was staring at her
innocently...
then..she was like a
mad teacher..screaming
at d top of her voice...

then..it was ok..
we continued doing
our roti john..
ms lai suddenly asked us
to go back to our places...
she asked who changed partners...
n places...
there was jolene,ct,dennis,yiqin
n hui wen...
she screamed n said dat we shud not change places
juz bcause sum1 is absent...
so..everytink was fine again....
we managed to do d roti john n
finish it in time...
we got 13..
i heard syafiq n wei jie got 0
coz they only cooked an egg...
not on d bread...
jolene got 10...
so i tink ct oso got 10...
mayb...

it was malay...
n i did not finish d malay hmwk.....
we quickly rushed 2 malay class
coz we were late...
we started 2 do d ws in class...
in front of the teacher...
cikgu mardiana saw it...
she asked who hadn't finish...

every1 raised up...
she asked us why we didn't finish...
we answered her by 2dae...
then, when we were doing...
i saw her leaving d class...
with her things without saying anitink...
we realised it n quickly try 2
finish it up...
we copied each other's answer...
mardi,wani,ct,rauf,dyan
went to find cikgu at d staff room..
to ask 4 forgiveness...
then..as i was abt 2 fing 'em...
they told me dat cikgu
wants d class to write
a reflection on wat happen 2dae..
on a piece of paper...
one page long..
wad d hell...
ct was cursing her...
calling her emo n all dat...
wad d hell..
every1 of us quickly do..
coz she wants it by
d end of MT period...
haish...
i'll continue next tyme..
now i gtg...
nid 2 bathe...
n oso cry...

YOU

2007-06-03T19:28:00.000+08:00

Today,for the first time...
i did not sent my bro
off for his ns...

coz i felt that...
what is the use
of just sending him
and then
you go back home???

so yeah...
i am going
to stop talking
about my trip...

you want to know
why i share
this with you?
well,because you
are the only
person that i
feel comfortable
talking to...
really...

i swear...

so..yea...
wadeva

UG OVERSEAS TRIP DAY 2

2007-06-01T15:38:00.000+08:00

hiyee....
so..today...
bro reached home...
bought me and father
hotdogs...yum..yum..
i am now going to
continue about the trip..
i just can't keep
to myself...
i feel that
i have to let
it out...

Day 2
0630: call from mother,woke up and bathe
0730: packed luggage and had breakfast
Didn't quite like breakfast...
no appetite to eat so much...
0800: Proceed to caving
it was very fun...
the tour guide
was MR. KAMAL!
omg..i like his hair...
but he is young and old
but not so old..
at first, we walked
towards the cave
there were a lot of
mosquitoes on the way...
ride a jeep
which was very fast..
my hair was messy
but i don't mind..

explored the cave..
learned how a column
took to form
which is about 100 years
and those people
who said that the cave is dark..
is not true...
there are holes
and natural sunlight
go through the holes..
saw some bats...

went out of the cave
and ride the same jeep..
mardi asked the driver
to speed up real fast..
and guess what?
he really did...
and we screamed...
not because
we were scared
but it is because
we were loving it
very much..

this time..
my hair is sooo
damn messy...
we got on the bus..
we were on the way
to go to where the jeeps
were parked...

when we reached,
we had a toilet break..
then, we heard that
the boys were lazy to queue
so they pee outside
at a place...

then, mr. kamal
told us to be in groups
of 5...
it was just perfect
because we,red cross,
people were made of 5...
we tried to tell mr. kamal
that we wanted the same jeep
that we had ride just now..
haha...
i could still remember the
number plate of the jeep:
BP96...
hehe...

however, we did not manage
to get the jeep..but it is ok..
at least we get a jeep...
right??
so we ride it...
and now we are having
an off-road jeep
adventure...
or so you may say....
the 4d Wheel
Adventure Drive
to Berembun Waterfall...

the journey was quite bumpy
and at times..
i had some small branches
slapping my face...
it was painful,of course
but i learn to dodge it...

then..we stopped at
a location where
the 5 of us need to go down
and be separated
because our jeep's tyre
could not go through the
next obstacle course...

mardi,sam and me
ride on mr koh's jeep..
there were teng seng,
benjamin,jovan,renon
and mr koh...
jovan could not take
the pain as he was always
slapped by the branches..
so he went to the front seat...

i stood at jovan's place
and the jeep soon
started to move...
it was smooth at first
but it was VERY rough
later...

we went through muddy slopes...
where i had to hang on
to the railings...
and my body always
hit the railings..which is
also painful...
well...we got down
at another location
and walked for about
5 minutes..across a wide bridge...
then, we reached the Berembun waterfall...

wow..it was very beautiful..
we had a packed lunch
while eating on some
huge rocks
and admiring the waterfall...
i didn't quite like the rice
but i liked the chicken...
so i ate the chicken only...

mardi,sam and me
quickly throw away
our leftovers
and went for a swim...
i admit that i was scared
because i was afraid that
i may not be able to swim...
but..
as i put my legs into
the water..
it was freezing cold...
the water was damn cold...
but i want to endure it...
i don't want to miss
my chance of playing in the
water at a waterfall...
luckily,the 3 of us
were wearing track pants
and a red cross shirt...

so it was okay for us...
but i pity renon
because he was in the water
for a while and then
he was out of the water
shivering..maybe because
he was wearing pe attire...
so..i tried to tease him...
he was just sitting on a rock..
shivering like..i don't know...
anyway..mardi and i
played in the water
sam used a bottle and
filled it up with water
then she pulled my collar
and poured the water behind
at my back...
it was damn cold...
i struggled to run..
but it was useless...
but it was fun though...

i kept watching mr kamal
while playing...
i don't know but
i can sense that
he was looking at me too
as i looked at him..

we played in the water
quite long..
i saw mr kamal
sleeping on the rocks
comfortably...
doesn't the insects bite?
i asked in my heart...
i knew he was a
close-to-nature kind
of guy..i admired people
like that...

1400-1730: continue with 4D wheel drive
the journey back was better..
we visited a place...
which sell food somewhat
look like taufu..
the three of us bought
1kg of it and a chilli bottle
then we visited
a groundnut factory...
didn't buy anything there...
i was very tired..
so i slept in the bus
until we reached the resort...
1730: Return to resort. wash up.
i bathed.
the other 4 girls went to a nearby shop
and bought ice creams for themselves..
i was quite disappointed
because they left me all alone
in the room..
i thought that there was
at least one person
who stayed behind
to accompany me..
some friends they are..
i was hurt...
i kept quiet...
jovan, benjamin and renon
came to our room..
played poker card..
i went to the toilet
to wet my hair
and as i was about
to leave the toilet..
i saw a frog...
a medium sized frog..
i calmly closed the door
and told mardi about it..
mardi shrieked..
renon was a brave guy...
he offered to take the frog..
he took a plastic bag
and caught the frog...
then he released
the frog just outside our room..
the frog jumped away...
mardi screamed at renon
and asked him why
he released it outside our room
renon told mardi
that the frog had jumped away
i told renon to throw away
the plastic bag at a bin
near the canteen..
all the teachers were
at the canteen
and they were looking
at the direction of our room...
i didn't play poker cards
because i was too upset...
1900: Dinner
i ate a little
even though i was very hungry...
0830: Night walk
it was very hot
btu nice
because i get close to nature..
we were walking
in a clear area...
when my phone rang
in an antic ringtone...
krriinggg...krrriiinnnggg....
i quickly took
the phone..
it was my mum..
i told her to
call me back later
but she can't hear..
so i shouted a bit
not very loud...

then i hung up..
and heard some npcc guys
say "aku ingat talipon mana seh"
something like that...
we finished the night walk..
1030-1100: return to resort
i was happy and tired...
when i got back to the room..
i found 6 mosquito bites..
all on my left hand..
it was itchy..
i applied axe oil..
my mum called
and i said goodnight to her...
then i was ok
with the 4 girls..
we went to a nearby
shop and bought drinks
because we were thirsty..
we were drinking and
mardi was just about to
lie down comfortably
when there was a knock
on the door..
"room service"jovan said..
we knew it was the 3 of them..
renon,jovan and benjamin...

they also had bought drinks
they bought 2 each...
we played poker cards..
then there was a knock
on the door..
we didn't know who it was..
we told sam to ask who it was
because some npcc guys like to
play pranks on girls
by knocking on their door
and run away...

sam asked who it was...
there was silent...
we were all listening
for an answer...
then, we heard
mr.koh's voice
mardi quickly
hide the cards
and her drink...
then sam opened
the door..
mr. koh wanted
the boys to go out
of our room..
he said something
but i wasn't listening...
i was busy drinking..
after sam closed the door,
we were relieved..
we were quite hungry
so we decided to buy
cup noodles..
at the nearby shop...
whe we were at the shop,
mr kamal was there..
we were looking around
and saw some drawings
and plannings..
we praised the drawings
and mr kamal
told us that he drew
all that...

mardi saw a brochure..
about tomorrow's activity..
jungle trekking and canopy walk...
she looked at the pictures...
saw a leech picture...
she was scared..
then we bought cup noodles..

we used a water dispenser
to pour hot water on our
cup noodles..
it was dark..
there were pierce secondary boys..
i was pouring the hot water
when there was a light shown
at my hand
pouring water into my cup noodle...
i turned to look
and saw MR. KAMAL..
wow...i admire him
a lot...

we returned to our room
and ate the noodle...
after that, mardi was
already sleeping...
so was kai ting
there was a spiderman movie...
so i lied down and watched it...
sam was sitting down
and she was completely
focused on the tv...
debbie was also lying down
and watching the tv..

i closed my eyes and
suddenly sam woke me up...
what the hell...
she said "cakap nak tengok ni"
pointing to the tv..
i nodded and watched
and didn't realise
i was starting to sleep...

M.Y.E.results/UG OVERSEAS TRIP DAY 1

2007-06-01T14:08:00.000+08:00

hello..
long time never post..
so now i am going to post...
about my ug overseas trip
to jeram besu...

but before i tell you
about it...
i am going to tell you
about my results
for mye...

i got B4 for english...
A1 for maths...
A1 for science...
A1 for malay...
B4 for geography...
A1 for literature..
A1 for design and technology...

i am happy that
i also got 3rd
position in class...
but i am worried
that there will
be a lot of pressure
to maintain position
number 3...

anyway...
now i am going
to tell you
about my trip...

Day 1
0515: Woke up and bathe
0550: Dressed up and left home
0613: Reached school with parents
0632: Parents left
0645: Got on the bus..sat with mardiana
0715: Bus drove to 2nd linku
0830: Short stop for breakfast and toilet break(own expense)

i bought a chewing gum..
renon bought a poker card for us

0900: Proceed to Jeram Besu

i sat with mardiana and slept

1130: Lunch at local restaurant

hmm..i forgot what i ate...

1230: Continue journey to Jeram Besu

i slept because there is nothing to do...

1600: Upon arrival in Jeram Besu; check-in to CRP Resort

mardi,sam and me
stay in the same room
while debbie and kai ting
in the other room
but next to our room
we rested for a while
then, we took turns to bathed...

1900: Proceed for Dinner at CRP Resort Open Hall

we had to walk for
about five minutes...
the dinner is quite nice...
night walk was cancelled
as it just rained heavily...
so we went back
to the hotel...

mardi invited renon
to play cards in our room..
mardi,renon and me
played poker cards
and to make it more interesting...
we decided to make
the loser do a forfeit...

i was unlucky...
i lost two times and
had to do funny "stunts"
it was quite fun...
really...
although i had
to do embarrassing 'stunts',
i still enjoyed it...

however,mardi changed
the rules and said
that the person who
is in the middle...
meaning that..
did not win first or lose..
will do forfeit..

renon was the middle person...
mardi thought of
a very funny forfeit..
haha..it was VERY funny...
then, sombody knocked on our door...
renon opened it and the boys
looked in and teased renon..
then,they left...
we continued playing..
then,kai ting and debbie
came and renon
quickly left as it was
already going to be 10 pm...
the 4 of us played poker cards
while sam watched the tv...
she really liked drama serials...

then, there was a knock
on our door...
it was aldric..
he asked us
if there are any boys
in our rooms...
we told him no...
he also told us
not to make
so much noise
as there is already
a complaint about us
i mean our fuhua people....

then...we slept...
but mardi,sam and me
could not sleep...
so we quickly
knocked on next door
and slept with
kai ting and debbie...

i could not sleep at first
because sam slept beside me
and snored loudly...
but in the end, i slept.....